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Running Lean with Patrick McGilvray

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Negative Self Talk

120. How to Fail Properly

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Failure. It’s such a negative word, isn’t it? What do you think of when you hear the word “failure”? If you’re like most people, you probably think of something you tried but were not …

Continue Reading about 120. How to Fail Properly →

Podcast Transcript

My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster, and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.

Hey there, and welcome to episode 120 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners, and today how to fail properly. Failure. It’s such a negative word, isn’t it? What do you think of when you hear the word failure?

If you’re anything like most people, you probably think of something you tried, but then were not successful. It didn’t work, you failed. And then it brings up all these feelings like disappointment, regret, and defeat. failure means you’ve been defeated, you lost it’s over the end, right?

But what if there was a totally different way to think about failure? What would it look like if you learned how to fail properly. And that’s what I’m talking about here on the podcast today. So get ready to learn a whole new way to look at failure, what failing means and how to fail properly.

And before I get into this topic, today, I wanted to share a quick story about someone I’m working with. This person came to me as a runner, wanting to lose weight around 20 pounds or so. And he had tried everything on his own and just couldn’t do it. And in the five weeks that we’ve been working together, he’s lost over 14 pounds. And that’s a lot of weight. And it’s not really uncommon.

Okay, it’s well, within the range of average weight loss of like one to three pounds per week seems to be pretty average for most people that I work with. The reason I bring this up is because of something he said to me on our call the other day. And I’m paraphrasing here, I didn’t you know, write down everything exactly, as he said.

But he basically said, ‘You know, I’m super happy with this weight loss, I haven’t been this weight and over 30 years, I feel so good. I’m getting stronger running is getting easier every day. But the thing that surprised me the most is all the stuff I’m learning about myself. I’ve really changed my mindset about food and exercise and running and everything. And I’m feeling so much better about myself, I don’t have all those intense cravings to eat junk food anymore, I’m feeling much more confident, I’m standing taller and carrying myself better.’

And I just want to say that I’m so proud of this person for doing the work. Because this is not easy stuff to do. Not everyone is willing to commit, not everyone is willing to put in the effort and actually show up and do this work every day. Not everybody sticks to their plan. But when you do, that’s when the good stuff happens. It does work if you show up and do the work.

So if you’d like to experience the same kind of results, then I want to invite you to apply for coaching with me. Just go to runningleancoaching.com/apply. When you get on that page, you can fill out a short application and then schedule a free zoom call with me and we’ll talk about your goals.

And we’ll talk about how coaching works and how coaching can help you reach those goals. I would love for you to experience these same kinds of changes for yourself. If you’re ready for some realistic lifestyle changes for mindset shifts, and you’re ready to get some sustainable results. Then I think you’re ready for coaching. Just go to runningleancoaching.com/apply to get started.

Alright, let’s talk about how to fail properly. So why am I bringing this up today? Well, I work with a lot of people and sometimes I see people that experience a failure of some sort and then give up. I’ve seen some examples of this lately, where someone has embarked on their weight loss journey and maybe experienced some sort of a failure or a setback.

You know, maybe they hit a stall like so their weight. They were losing weight pretty steadily but then their weight loss sort of stalled out. They hit what’s called a plateau which is super common. In fact, I’ve almost never seen it not happen or maybe they’ve gained a couple of pounds back.

And so they start slipping back into old behaviors. And the reason people do this is because they get frustrated. And when you get frustrated, what do you do, you want to go eat some food to feel better, right? But what happens internally is these, some people like they tell themselves, I have failed, I am a failure, this program, this diet, this food plan, whatever it is, isn’t working. So they quit. They give up, they see failure as the end.

And this is not some fringe thing. I see this all the time, mostly not from my clients, to be honest with you. Because if you’re one of my clients, if you’re one of the members of my program, you’re not allowed to quit. And I’ll talk more about this later. But I see it’s super common in the weight loss industry in general, in the health and fitness industry in general.

My training coach, and I, my weightlifting coach, and I were talking about this the other day, he sees a lot of times with people who are, you know, wanting to get fit. And so they start lifting weights, and they start getting healthier. And then, you know, maybe they just kind of stall out or they have a bad workout, or they’ve experienced some sort of a setback, maybe they get sick, and then they just quit, they just stopped coming back to the gym, they just give up.

So I’m going to go so far as to say that here in the Western world, this is kind of an epidemic. All right, I think that we’re taught at an early age, that the worst possible thing that we can do is to fail at something, you know, you better do well, in third grade, or you’ll fail, and we’re gonna hold you back. And this means that you don’t measure up, you’re not good enough, you are a failure.

And a little sidebar here, I think we need to do a better job of teaching kids that failure is not the end, it’s just part of the process of learning. I don’t think this whole grading system and failing kids and things like that is really working very well, I think it just puts a lot of pressure on kids, kids are filled with fear and anxiety about failure, and I think there’s a better way to do it. But that’s for another topic.

But we as adults need to understand the same thing. We need to understand that failure is just part of how we learn and how we grow, how we evolve, and how we become more. But we get it in our heads that failure is the end. So even as old wise adults, we need to learn how to fail properly because we never have. So that’s what we’re talking about here today.

So let’s get into this a little bit like what is failure? Exactly. If you look up the dictionary definition of failure, it says: an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful, lack of success, that’s all it means is lack of success. And I always add the phrase “for now” at the end of that. So failure to me is a lack of success right now.

Doesn’t mean lack of success forever, it just means that whatever you’re doing didn’t work big up. Notice it doesn’t say a lack of success forever. And it’s the end of your journey. It’s not the end. One story I love about failure is the story of Stephen King.

So Stephen King is one of my favorite authors. And I remember in high school and after high school reading, just like every one of his books, you know, I was kind of hooked on Stephen King at the time. And I love that kind of writing. Now you may not enjoy his particular style of writing or his subject matter, you know, kind of gruesome and horror-type stuff, but I enjoy it.

I think it’s really fun to just get lost in these crazy, supernatural stories. But anyway, the first manuscript that he wrote was Carrie, and he submitted this to publishers trying to get this book published, right. And he took it to like 30 different publishers and was rejected every time he was rejected over 30 times for this manuscript of Carrie.

One of the rejection letters that he received said, we are not interested in science fiction which deals with negative utopias, they do not sell. And he eventually took that manuscript and threw it in the garbage. He was like, this is the end screw it. I’m not going to keep trying. I’ve tried 30 times and failed 30 times.

But his wife convinced him to try again and she like, dug it out of the garbage, I guess. And he was, you know, he resigned himself to just keep trying. And he did. And of course, he eventually sold it. And he’s become one of the most popular and successful writers of our time. To date, he’s the only author to have over 30 books become number one bestsellers. That’s crazy.

But what if he gave up? What if, after one of those failures, or 9 or 21 of those failures, he just said, you know, screw it, I’m not doing this anymore, and just quit writing, he would never experience the kind of success he did. So I love that story of failure, it does not mean it’s the end, it just means it’s the end for now.

And I like to use this analogy of failure as like, imagine yourself being an airplane pilot, and you’re flying a commercial airliner from LA to New York. So you plot your course and you take off and everything’s looking good. And you’re flying through the air, everything’s like smooth sailing, but then you like, realize there’s this big storm ahead, you know, a huge storm.

And you’d have to make a decision of what you’re gonna do. Do you just quit? Do you like land the plane and say, sorry, there’s a storm in our way. There’s a big obstacle in our path we just can’t go on? Or do you go around it? You know, it’s going to take longer, you know, it’s not the way it was supposed to go. Things are not going according to plan, but you’re going to make it work, right?

Obviously, you’re going to make it work. You’re just gonna go around the storm, you keep going, right. But what if there was like a mechanical issue with the plane, you had to land it? Okay, now, you’re really off track, you had to actually take the time, you have to land somewhere, you got to sit there and wait for them to check it out. You know? So do you just quit? Do you just give up in that moment?

No, you just keep going. Obviously, as long as there’s nothing terribly wrong, you know, as long as the mechanics check it out, and the plane looks good. Then you get back on it, right, you just get back on track. These failures along the way, though, we look at our own failures as the end like it’s an excuse to give up.

And if you were that pilot, you would never give up, you would just continue, you got a plane full of people, you got to get them safely to their destination, right? Think about your health and fitness journey, your weight loss journey, you want to get to that destination. And so you have to experience a little bit of turbulence, a little bit of rough weather, just expect that on the path. It’s okay. It doesn’t mean it’s the end, it just means that it’s a setback. It’s a detour. All right.

So one thing I love about runners is that they’re already really good at doing this, like you guys, you guys are amazing at experiencing failures in your training. When you’re training for a marathon, you know, you got this 16,18, 20 weeks of training. And I see people all the time experience failures and setbacks and disappointments, you know, you might get injured, and you have to take some time off of running to nurse an injury.

Or maybe you have to travel for work or vacation. And it’s the same week, you’re supposed to be doing like a 20 miler. And so what do you do in those situations? Or maybe you get sick, this has been happening a lot, right? Over the last couple of years, you get sick, and you have to take time off? You know, do you quit?

No, you don’t you keep going and you like you get back at it. As soon as you can you get just pick up where you left off with your training plan, right? You keep training because you have this goal, and it’s important to you to finish that marathon, that’s a priority. And whether you’re traveling or if you’re sick or injured, none of these things are going to derail you from accomplishing that goal, right?

You probably paid for the race. So you have some skin in the game, which helps to drive you forward as well. Right? You’re focused, you’re determined, and you’re not going to allow these failures to stop you. You’re laser-focused on hitting this goal of finishing this marathon, you’re gonna finish that no matter what. Right, that’s amazing, you know, character trait, to have that sort of tenacity to just keep going no matter what.

And it’s really the same with your weight loss journey. But here’s the thing, I see runners all the time who can do this with their running plan, they might get injured, and they just, they do all their physical therapy and they, you know, get back on track, and then they finish that marathon like they are focused on completing that task and that goal.

But when it comes to losing weight, I see people experience some minor setbacks like hey, their weight stayed the same for a couple of weeks in a row and then give up. Like, what if you were as laser-focused on your weight loss as you know, health and fitness goals as you were on finishing that marathon?

What if you never let some little failures along the way stop you from continuing on? What if you took that same all-in attitude about your marathon training, and applied it to losing weight and becoming the most badass version of yourself? What would that look like for you? Would you look at failure differently? What would you do the next time you experienced that weight loss stall or plateau?

Or maybe you gave into a temptation to eat some junk food? Would this mean you can’t do it? And you give up and you just declare this doesn’t work and go back to doing whatever you’ve been doing? Which already, you know, that doesn’t work? I know, it sounds kind of crazy. The way I’m explaining it here, you’re probably thinking to yourself, like, oh, no, of course, I wouldn’t do that.

But this is exactly the thing I see people do all the time. You know, I’ve even talked to people who said they had their diet all dialed in years ago. Like they never felt better. I was at my goal weight. Running was awesome. Everything was amazing. I was eating all this amazing food. But then something happened, something seemed like it wasn’t working. And they gave up.

They experienced some sort of a setback, some sort of a failure, and they quit. And they went back to doing whatever they were used to doing before, which got them kind of overweight in the first place, and blah, blah, blah. I really wished this was an uncommon story. I really wish this was like the exception, but it’s not a people tell me this all the time.

So instead of avoiding failure at all costs, instead of giving up when you experience failure, you have to expect failure. What would that look like for you? Like ehat would it look like if you just expected to fail? I know it sounds like a kind of a crazy concept, right? What if you just expected there to be some turbulence along the way?

What if you just expected to have to, you know, lay in the plane to fix a stabilizer flap. I clearly don’t know much about airplanes. But whatever thing you would need to fix on a plane. Like what if you expected a weight-loss stall or a plateau? And what if you just expected your weight loss journey to take a little bit longer?

Failure is not to be avoided, failure is inevitable, you will fail. So why not embrace it, deal with it, learn from it, and then keep going. You cannot spend all your time trying to avoid failure. If you do, you will never try anything hard, you will never push yourself to accomplish anything more. You won’t ever get out of your comfort zone.

Because when you avoid failure, it keeps you in that comfort zone. But it also keeps you stuck and keeps you small and keeps you from growing and becoming more expected and embracing failure has the opposite effect. It gets you out of your comfort zone and drives you forward toward your goals. It’s how you evolve and grow and become more it’s how you accomplish hard things like losing 20, 30, 50 pounds.

You have to look at failures as stepping stones along your path. If when you fail, it is not the end, every one of these failures you experience is just one more step on the path to your eventual success. So each time you fail, it becomes one more step closer to your goal. And each failure is a chance to learn something. This is the important part of failing you have to learn the lesson from the failure.

You have to learn what works and what doesn’t. And the only way you learn this is by failing because success doesn’t teach you anything. So each failure actually becomes necessary in order to reach your goal. Each failure is one step closer to that goal. So you try something you fail. You learn something, you course correct, then you try again. Boom. Now you’re one step closer to your goal.

Every success is built upon a pile of failures. And no one does anything challenging perfectly. There’s no such thing as success without setbacks and failures along the way. So just expect them to be there. Embrace the failures. If you look at failures, in the end you’re gonna be quitting a lot. You’re gonna be quitting everything you ever start.

Are you the kind of person that quits things a lot? it’s probably because you look at failures, the end, failure is never the end, it’s just another step closer to becoming who you really want to be. So when you embrace failure, this means that you’re going to try things that might not work. And this is a scary thing for a lot of people.

Well, what if it doesn’t work? Who cares? A lot of people just use this as an excuse to quit or not even start something, because what they’re gonna do, you know, what they’re setting out to do is hard, it’s uncomfortable. And I get that doing this work. Like if you’re losing weight, if you want to lose weight and become a leaner, stronger runner, this is not an easy thing to do.

This takes some time, it takes some time to build new habits, it takes some time to learn what works for you. If it was easy, none of us would be overweight, none of us would need help with staying on track. You know, nobody would ever slip into old habits, again, like this would be simple, but it’s not. It’s, it’s it takes some work, I get that right.

In order to change your habits, you have to do things that feel uncomfortable, right? At least at first, once you do things for a while, it gets more comfortable, it gets easier, and all that. But at first, especially it doesn’t feel good. And so a lot of people just use failure as an excuse to quit. So they’re just chasing, they’re chasing after comfort and security, at the cost of their goals, they really want for themselves.

They don’t want to feel uncomfortable. They don’t want to do anything hard. They want more for themselves. But they don’t want to put the time and effort into reaching some people like they don’t want to put the actual effort into doing it. They don’t want to experience the discomfort that is required to reach that goal.

So it’s way easier to just say, you know, this failed, and go back to being comfortable and safe and small and doing all the stuff you used to do. And that’s fine if that’s what you want for yourself. But you’re listening to this podcast right now, I don’t think that’s what you want for yourself.

The people that listen to this podcast, I know you want more for yourself. Like I was saying earlier, this whole idea of like staying small and comfortable, and not wanting to get uncomfortable. I think this is an epidemic. This is like the disease of modern society, at least in the Western world.

Chasing after comfort. Avoiding discomfort at all costs, and avoiding failure at all costs has caused us to become weak and soft and small. And staying safe, and uncomfortable just keeps us from evolving, right? If you want to become badass, you got to embrace discomfort, you got to embrace failure as often as you can, and you got to do stuff that might not work.

Change your diet, sign up for an ultra marathon, start lifting some heavy-ass weights, guess what, you’re gonna try these things. And you might fail, you probably will fail, Big whoop. Learn from it. Try something else and try it again. Do not give up on yourself just to be comfortable. Because I know you’re capable of so much more.

You may not believe that about yourself. But I know that about you, you’re capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. Most of us are only living up to about 40% of our actual potential increase that goes beyond 40%.

And the last thing I want to say about all this is probably one of the most important things that I want you to take away from this episode. And that is that any time you fail, and if you’re following my lead here, and you’re kind of doing what I’m suggesting here, you will fail maybe a lot.

Anytime you fail, it does not mean anything about you, it does not mean that you are a failure. When you try something and fail, it’s really easy to fall into that trap of thinking that you are a failure. feeling like a failure is really caused by a lot of negative thinking. And if you feel like you’re a failure, that’s an internal state caused by your thoughts about what this failure means about you.

So feeling like a failure is just an emotional state that you’re in. And emotional states are just caused by your thoughts. Okay. So just know that you are never a failure. The reason you feel this way is just you’re projecting that onto yourself. You are an amazing human being. You’re capable of greatness. You are perfect just the way you are right now. Yeah, you can still work to change yourself but that does not mean that you are a failure just because you tried something and it didn’t work does not mean that you are a failure.

You analyze your results. You try something else. And you see if that works, but you are never a failure. Do things that are hard, try things that may not work, fail, fail often fail fast. But none of this means anything about you as a person, it does not mean that you are a failure. You’re amazing.

So, your call to action this week, what I want you to do, is I want you to allow failure. Allow it to become part of your health and fitness journey. Allow it to become part of your weight loss journey. Try things that may not work. Get out of your comfort zone. Stop expecting your life to be failure-free and there’s no such thing as a failure-free life. So embrace failure.

Try something hard fail, learn from it course correct, then keep going. Rinse and repeat until you hit your goal. Cool. And remember, if you’re ready to make realistic lifestyle changes, mindset shifts and get sustainable results. Then you’re ready for coaching. Just go to runningleancoaching.com/apply to get started. Love you all keep on Running Lean, and I’ll talk to you soon.

If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or you keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time then I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called running lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine. So you can run without bonking, lose weight without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to runningleanpodcast.com/leanforlife and start your transformation today.

115. Overcoming Weight Loss Fears and Insecurities

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When you set out to reach big goals like losing weight and getting fit, you will eventually come face-to-face with all your fears and insecurities. Even just thinking about changing your diet can …

Continue Reading about 115. Overcoming Weight Loss Fears and Insecurities →

Podcast Transcript

My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.

Hey there, and welcome to episode 115 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners and today overcoming weight loss fears and insecurities.

So when it comes to reaching big goals, like losing weight and getting fit, you will eventually come face to face with a bunch of fears and insecurities it’s going to happen. Even just thinking about changing your diet can get you feeling pretty anxious, right?

You might even just say like no thanks to the whole idea. So you don’t have to deal with all the negative stuff that’s bound to come up when you engage in this process.

But I want to offer another approach, I want you to think about what it would feel like to actually deal with all those fears and insecurities instead of trying to avoid them. In this episode, I’m spending some time talking about overcoming these weight loss fears and insecurities.

This is a topic that’s been on my mind a lot lately. And it’s a very powerful thing. It’s a very powerful skill that you can learn if you’re willing to do the work and face your fears head-on.

But first, I wanted to give you a heads up about something cool that’s coming up here. Next week, I am teaching a live workshop, it’s all about how to effectively transform yourself from the inside out into a leaner, stronger, more badass runner, it’s called five simple steps to becoming a leaner, stronger runner.

This will be the most informative and one of the most comprehensive live workshops that I’ve ever taught. I don’t do this kind of thing very often. But I was feeling pretty excited about this topic, and I wanted to share it with you guys.

And I thought, you know, instead of doing a podcast about this, I wanted to teach it live, there’s this real energy when we all get together when we can ask questions, and there’s that interaction. And so it’s gonna be fun, we’re gonna have a good time doing this.

Okay, you’re going to learn how to get leaner, how to become stronger, and how to become the healthiest and most badass version of yourself yet, that is the goal. That’s what I want you to walk away from, with this workshop.

To sign up, just go to runningleancoaching.com/workshop. And it’s next Thursday, the 17th at 8 pm Eastern time. Now I’m going to be doing this a couple more times. I’ll give you more updates on that later.

I can’t really schedule those just yet just because of the whatever scheduling software that I’m using and things like that. So as soon as this one is over, I’ll let you know about that other one that’s coming up, the next one that’s coming up.

So if you can’t make it on the 17th, no worries, I’m gonna give you a couple more opportunities. Cool. If I didn’t mention it, this is free and fun. We’re gonna have fun together. Okay. So to sign up, just go to runningleancoaching.com/workshop, I hope to see you there.

Alright, let’s get into this topic of overcoming weight loss fears and insecurities. This is something that has been on my mind lately, it’s something that I really wanted to take a deep dive into.

Because it’s one of those topics that comes up for every single person, every single person that I work with has this issue come up where they have to deal with the fears and insecurities around their own weight loss journey, whether they can do it or not, you know, whether they have failed in the past or not and all this stuff comes up.

But it’s one of those things that we don’t want to talk about. It’s one of those things we just want to pretend isn’t there. And so what a lot of people do is, you know, they set out to do something like lose weight, you know, they set out to like, make a big lifestyle change like this.

And then all this stuff starts coming up and they just want to avoid it. So it kind of looks like this. Like, let’s say you make a decision that you want to lose some weight. And you embark on some sort of weight loss plan. Like you join a group program, you hire a coach, you know, whatever.

As soon as you decide to make a big change like this, then commit to making that change. That’s when things are gonna start to get all scary for you. Just thinking about changing your diet like making some permanent lifestyle changes, just thinking about it can put you into freakout mode, right?

I want you to know something. There’s nothing wrong with you if this has happened to you or if it’s happening to you right now, this is super normal. It’s just your brain, your brain doing what it does best. It’s trying to keep you safe. It’s trying to keep you comfortable. It’s trying to avoid pain and seek pleasure.

So I want you to do this experiment right now, I just want you to think about this. Think about changing your diet, think about what it would take to lose those 30 pounds or 20 pounds or 50 pounds or whatever it is.

Are you starting to freak out a little bit right now is your heart starting to race orare your palms sweating? If they are, again, this is totally normal. What’s happening here, just thinking about this is starting to put you outside of your comfort zone.

And this idea of getting outside your comfort zone in order to grow in order to become more. Your brain does not like this idea. Your brain wants to keep you safe. That’s what your brain’s job is.

Your brain is sensing something unfamiliar here. It’s sensing something uncomfortable here. It’s sensing something dangerous. It’s not really dangerous. But it feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable. And so your brain is like, get me out of here, and you go into that freakout mode.

This is why most people just don’t ever start. They never even take on the challenge of you know trying to lose weight or get stronger, get fitter, get leaner run faster, whatever it is. Because just thinking about it seems overwhelming, it seems too hard.

You start to have all these fears and insecurities come bubbling up to the surface, you go into freakout mode, and you’re like, haha, I don’t want anything to do with that. So you just stay where you are.

But when you start to make these uncomfortable changes, when you actually start to do this stuff, your brain senses the danger. And then these fears and insecurities are going to start to come up to the surface, okay? And your thoughts and your feelings are going to come up stuff like, this is going to be so hard.

‘I don’t know if I can do this. I’m going to be hungry all the time. What if this doesn’t work for me? I mean, this never worked for me in the past? Well, what’s gonna be different this time? What if I can’t make it last, right? What if I can’t sustain this? What if it’s not something I can do forever? What if I gain the weight back? I’ve never been able to do this before, it’s always been hard for me. I know I’m going to fail. People are going to judge me, I’m going to lose friends over this.’

And on and on and on. Like, we can just go into this mode of like, thinking about all the insecurities and all the fears and all the anxiety that we have around this topic of wanting to get healthy and do something good for ourselves. And all these thoughts begin to dominate your brain.

And honestly, this is why most people just won’t even start there. It’s just too much for them. There’s too much fear and insecurity there. And the funny thing is they haven’t even done anything yet they haven’t even started.

You’re just like thinking about this and all this stuff comes up. Okay, they haven’t even actually begun the work, they haven’t started changing their habits, they haven’t done anything differently other than just like had these thoughts. So you can see how detrimental this can be for you. Right.

So I’m going to talk about this in two ways. What I’m talking about right now, this is like part one of this because before you even begin the process before you even embark on your weight loss journey before you actually start making any changes, all this stuff’s gonna come up for you.

Right, just thinking about it, all this stuff’s gonna come up for you. So this is kind of like the first part of this, okay? The negative thoughts will come up to the surface, and they can just completely stop you in your tracks, they can keep you from doing anything at all keep you from taking any action keep you from making any progress keep you from ever embarking on this journey.

It’s kind of like, hey, I talk to people all the time who are like, I’d love to run a marathon someday, but I’m too afraid it’s gonna be too hard. The training’s going to be hard, I’ve never been able to run that far before. I just don’t know.

And so they just say, you know, maybe that’s just not for me, and they just don’t do it. Deep down inside, they want that for themselves. But all this stuff is coming up. Before they even get into it.

They haven’t even looked at a training plan. They haven’t started doing the work to start training for a marathon. And they’re already like, convinced they can’t do it. This is what I call pre-failing, right? You’re pre-failing, you’re failing ahead of time. Don’t do that. Don’t do that. Okay.

But this stuff just like thinking about it is going to bring up all this stuff. And you know whether or not you can lose weight, how hard it’s going to be all that. All those thoughts are going to come up. And you’ve got to be careful not to get mired down by all that stuff. It’s just a bunch of negative self-talk, right?

You have to override your brain’s natural functions, you have to override your brain’s default behavior here, right, you’re going to experience some of those thoughts, you’re going to experience some of that fear and some of those insecurities.

But that does not mean you don’t start. It doesn’t mean you can’t do it. You can. You have to feel the fear and do it anyway. You have to understand that in order to make big changes, like to your health and fitness, you’re going to get uncomfortable, it’s going to be uncomfortable, you’re going to have to embrace the suck, okay.

And this is what it means to override your brain’s default functioning, right, you’re still going to have the fears, you’re still gonna have these insecurities. But you move forward anyway. And this takes courage, and it takes determination and discipline.

But this is the work that you have to do if you want more for yourself. And remember, courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is having the fear, doing the thing anyway, and showing up. Think about a warrior going into battle.

The warrior going into battle is not lacking fear, they have the fear. But they put on their armor, they grab their shield and their sword, and they head into the melee. They embrace the discomfort, they embrace the fear, they do it anyway. It’s not a lack of fear. It’s action in the face of fear. That’s what courage is.

Okay, so part one is all the stuff that’s going to come up when you just start thinking about this right. And before you even get started.

Part two of this process is all the stuff that actually comes up when you stop using food as an emotional management tool. Because when you’re using food, to avoid feeling negative emotions, as soon as you stop doing that, all those negative emotions are going to be right there. Yay.

So all the fear and the stress and the anxiety and the anger and the frustration and all that stuff that you’ve been avoiding. By eating food, now you got to deal with all that stuff. So this is kind of part two of this when you start changing your diet, and you start and you stop using food as a way of coping with life and with stress and with feelings and sadness, and loneliness, or whatever it is you’re experiencing.

When you stop doing that, all that stuff’s gonna come up for you. Okay? All of those same, like negative self-talk, things are going to come up for you except now, you’re not using food as a way of stuffing that down. You’re not using food as a way of dealing with those difficult emotions. So now you’ve got to start feeling your feelings.

And if you’ve never done this before, I’m going to tell you right now, you are not going to like it. Isn’t that awesome? Most people do not like feeling their emotions, not the difficult ones anyway, people don’t mind feeling happy and joyful, excited and loved and stuff like that.

But the negative emotions, the ones that we label as negative like anger, sadness, grief, loneliness, hurt, stress, boredom, are all emotions that we experience, people do not like to feel those things. So what do they eat instead? You know, and some people drink.

Some people just scroll through Instagram mindlessly for hours on end. Some people drink alcohol, some people shop, we do all these things, to try to dull the feelings that we’re experiencing. So we don’t have to feel those things, right we have we are trying to do all these difficult emotions. So you eat.

Instead, you use food to feel better. And listen, it kind of works temporarily, like you get a hit of dopamine. Those pleasure centers in your brain, they get all lit up. And it feels good for a minute, and the strategy of like, eating instead of feeling your feelings, kind of works for a minute.

That doesn’t make you feel better, but only for a minute. It’s very, very brief, very temporary. Once that sugar buzz wears off, or you know, whatever you’ve been eating, all those emotions you’re trying to avoid, they just come back. Plus you get the added benefit of like feeling terrible because you went off your plan and you ate a bunch of junk food and you feel bad about that and you still have those other emotions.

And so what do you do then? You just eat more to try to make yourself feel better and it’s a vicious cycle. It’s never-ending, you’re constantly eating your feelings, trying to avoid your feelings, eating more, feeling bad about yourself, beating yourself up feeling even worse. So then you eat more, and on and on and on, rinse and repeat forever.

So what you’re doing here is you’re just postponing the whole process of actually dealing with your emotions, what you have to do is deal with the emotions, eventually, right, you have to do something about this, right? You’ve got to feel those feelings.

So you’ve set out on your weight loss journey, and you’re no longer using food as an emotional management tool. Awesome. That is good. But now, all your fears and insecurities come up. And you have to finally deal with all of that. This is when the real work begins.

Because if you can get good at handling all of the negative emotions that come up, when you stop eating your feelings, I’m telling you, you can handle just about anything, you become a total emotional badass.

By the way, we’re having some really cool conversations about this in the coaching group right now, this month, we’re talking all about overcoming emotional eating for good, and we’re taking a kind of deep dive into this topic.

And I was talking to one of my clients yesterday about this, and she was like, she didn’t realize what she was doing was emotional eating. So we have this vision in our heads of what emotional eating is.

And it’s like, you know, somebody’s like, in bed with the covers around them with a half-gallon of ice cream and a spoon crying, you know, like, that’s not really the what emotional eating looks like for most people.

And so this person was like, “I’m not an emotional eater, you know, but I’ll tell you, I had a really stressful day at work. And you know, I eat when I get stressed out like that, you know, I just go for potato chips, and you know, all these nuts and stuff, and I just can’t stop, I just, you know, it feels better.”

And I said, “Well, that’s emotional eating stress is just a feeling right?”

When you’re stress eating, it’s emotional eating, or you’re eating because you’re bored. That’s emotional, eating out of boredom, feeling bored is just a feeling. It’s an emotion. And so anytime you use food to try to dull whatever emotion you’re feeling, that’s emotional eating, okay?

So the process of overcoming your fears and insecurities around weight loss is actually dealing with your emotions. That’s what it is. That’s the process. That’s how you do it.

You actually have to embrace feeling your emotions, you have to feel your feelings, it means you have to learn how to sit with your feelings, without doing anything to change them. Without doing anything to make them go away. Just feel your feelings.

Does this sound terrible to you? It does for a lot of people. And I used to be this way too. I was like, I don’t want to feel my feelings. So ever since I was a kid, I’m very sensitive. I was a very sensitive kid, I’m still a very sensitive person.

And I used to feel things very deeply, I still do. You know, I had a very acute sense of these emotions, right? I’m just a sensitive person. So when I stopped using food, and alcohol, to numb myself to my feelings, I had to deal with that stuff, right?

I couldn’t handle feeling those negative emotions. So I would eat and drink over them, you know, I drank a lot. So I didn’t have to feel those things. I ate a lot. But then I stopped doing that at some point. And I couldn’t handle the intensity of my emotions.

And so I would freeze, I would withdraw, I would act very passive-aggressive, you could ask both of my ex-wives about this, they can attest to this. But eventually, I had to learn how to deal with all of these emotions that I was experiencing, without using food or alcohol or scrolling through Instagram or whatever.

And I did, I’ve gotten really good at sitting with my emotions and just letting them be there. And letting them sort of process through and not trying to make them go away. Not trying to change them. Not trying to squash them down. Just walking around, feeling my feelings.

And I have to tell you, my emotions are very manageable now. I don’t feel them as intensely as I used to because I’m just allowing them to be there. I’m not trying to make them go away. I’m not trying to change anything. And I don’t have to eat over them.

You know, I can still feel things intensely sometimes, but it’s not a problem for me. I don’t see like having a feeling is like an emergency that I have to fix. And I want you to know this is available for you, you just have to start practicing actually feeling your feelings, right.

Embrace the discomfort of having an emotion without doing anything to change it without eating over it. And just letting it be there. And I have to say this goes for you guys too. Like dudes are generally like, “Really, feel your feelings? Come on, bro. No thanks, don’t I just need to like man up and grow a pair?”

No, this is actually a very powerful skill that we are, none of us are taught men and women alike. We are not taught how to do this. And if you’re a dude, and you’re listening to this right now, I promise you that when you get good at just dealing with your feelings and actually experiencing them and processing them, this is a pretty badass skill.

It’s a badass skill that you have to get good at if you want to accomplish really anything in your life. Because when you do this, men and women, when you do this when you get good at handling your emotions and dealing with them. There’s like nothing you can’t do.

When you’re no longer afraid to feel your feelings, to experience your insecurities. Oh my god is what it means to be free. You have total freedom from emotional eating, you’re in control again.

And I promise you, you can lose a lot of weight this way. And you can keep it off for good. And I say this all the time – losing weight, getting healthy, getting stronger, running faster, all of it. It’s an inside job, right? You have to commit to doing this work.

Because this is how you accomplish big goals like losing weight. This is how you accomplish big goals like getting healthier, getting stronger, and making it last for life. This is how you become that badass that I know you want to be cool. And remember that if you’re ready to overcome your fears and insecurities around losing weight and make it last for life.

If you’re ready to learn the simple steps to becoming a leaner stronger runner then you have to come check out this free live workshop next week, March 17. To sign up just go to runningleancoaching.com/workshop.

I would love to see you there. I promise you’re gonna learn a lot. And we’re gonna have some fun together. Cool. All right, love you all keep on Running Lean. Talk to you soon.

If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or you keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time then I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called running lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine. So you can run without bonking, lose weight without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to runningleanpodcast.com/leanforlife and start your transformation today.

103. Handling the Holidays Like a Badass

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The holidays can be a very difficult time of the year for a lot of people. Shopping for gifts, planning social events, spending more time with family, and the added end-of-year demands at work can …

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Podcast Transcript

My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.

Hey there, and welcome to episode 103 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners, and today we’re talking about handling the holidays like a badass. Listen, the holidays can be a very difficult time for a lot of people.

You’re shopping for gifts, planning social events, spending more time with family, and the end of your demands at work can all lead to feeling more stressed and more overwhelmed. Not to mention the shorter days and the colder temperatures, the lack of sunlight all this can make getting outside exercise more challenging.

It can be very easy to just say “F-it” and blow off all your diet and exercise plans stay indoors watching Netflix with a big old glass of wine and hibernate until the new year. Right. But if that’s not how you want to roll into 2022, then I’ve got an alternative solution for you.

So in this episode of the podcast, I’m going to share a few simple tips for handling the holidays like a badass, so you can slide into the New Year feeling good about yourself. Which by the way, is not the way most people do it.

But first, if you liked this podcast, please come check out the Running Lean community on Facebook. Right now we’re in the middle of our running through the holidays challenge, we just passed the halfway mark, we’ve got another, I don’t know 17 or 18 days to go. And this is a challenge to get outside and run every day during the holidays.

It’s a fantastic way to you know keep your stress levels low. And to get some exercise every day. And we’re having a ton of fun in the group. Just search for Running Lean community on Facebook and join in on all the fun. And here’s another five-star review of the Running Lean podcast.

This is from Rake TM. And the title of this is “Life-changing and Introspective”:

“I recently discovered this podcast and the content presented. And the method shared is absolutely awesome. Patrick is really great not only at sharing, running-related performance improvements, but life-related lessons as a life coach. It’s all very inspiring, and I can’t stop binge-listening to all the episodes. Thank you, Patrick.”

Well, thank you very much for leaving a review. And if you feel the need to share your thoughts and leave a five-star review, I would love it just go to iTunes and scroll down or your apple podcast app and scroll down to where it says to leave a review, tap the stars and leave a few words, I really greatly appreciate that.

And then a couple of things I wanted to let you guys know about number one is the Running Lean coaching group is we got a big thing coming up in January. So our focus for January is going to be on weight loss, I want to help you start the new year by creating some massive momentum to develop the habits that you need to lose weight and learn how to do it for good.

And we got a big challenge coming up in January the goal for our group is going to be to lose eight pounds, you know, by the end of the month, right? So, lose eight pounds in January is sort of our goal for the month of January.

And listen, that’s only two pounds a week and this is very doable for you. You know, it’s very average, okay? And don’t worry, because I’m gonna show you exactly how to do it, you’re going to get all the support from me and everyone else in the group. We’re all going to be kind of doing this together as a group.

So I want to help you crush that goal. And listen, January is just an awesome time to get started with this kind of thing. Right? Marathon training is just getting underway. So it’s a perfect time for you to become fat-adapted so you can crush those spring racing goals.

So I’m going to show you exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine so you can run without bonking, lose weight without losing your mind, and develop the habit you need to make this last.

If you’re interested just join the group you can join at any time just go to runningleanpodcast.com/join – we’d love to see you for our big lose eight pounds in January challenge cool.

And then also if you’re interested in one on one coaching, that’s what I do. It’s my jam. If you’re looking for a little help with all this stuff, you know how to make a plan how to stick to your plan, what you should be eating, what you shouldn’t be eating – I offer all expert guidance, support, encouragement, accountability, all the experience you need to make this work for you, no matter what your goals, we can, we can get you there. Okay? Just go to runningleanpodcast.com/apply and see if coaching is a good fit for you.

All right on to this topic today, which is all about handling the holidays, like a badass. This time of the year, it can be very hard for people, right, we’ve got more stress this time of the year than any other time of the year collectively, right?

The days are cold, it’s dark, work is a little busier, you got to get all this stuff done at the end of the year. You’ve got more social events, you’re spending more time with family, you got to plan more meals, you’re buying gifts, you’re wrapping gifts, you’re sending out Christmas cards, maybe you’re traveling.

And all of this stuff can really feel overwhelming and cause a lot of people to really struggle. You know, this is supposed to be a fun time of the year, right and everybody looks forward to it. But at the same time, it can be very challenging for a lot of people, okay.

So when you find yourself feeling this stress, it can be very hard to stick to your diet and exercise plans, it can be very hard to want to get up and go to the gym when it’s cold and dark outside, it can be very hard to want to stick to your food plan when everybody around you is eating a bunch of junk and cookies and candy and all this other stuff, right?

So if you just want to stay inside and hibernate, like during this time of the year, that is perfectly fine. You’re allowed to do that, right? But if that’s not how you want to spend the holidays, then you get to decide what you want for yourself, okay, if you want something different, this episode is for you. Okay?

If you want to be able to stay on track, stick to your diet, keep up with your runs, keep up in the gym, whatever it looks like for you. You are allowed to do that. By the way, you don’t have to just fall into this habit that most people fall into, which is just kind of giving up a lot of this stuff during this time of the year.

How many people do you know to say, well, you know, the diet starts on January 1. Well, why? Why would you wait? Right? Why do you want to wait until then, to start improving your life? Why do you want to wait until then until you start doing something that’s good for you? Why do you want to wait until then, to start improving your health and your fitness?

I say start today, if that’s what you want for yourself, it doesn’t matter that we’ve got the holidays coming up, it really doesn’t. There’s always something going on, right? I want you to think about how you want to show up on January 2, you know, who do you want to be when you start the New Year? How do you want to show up for yourself?

Do you want to feel shame and guilt remorse and regret? Because you’re going to be starting from like a health and fitness deficit? Like you got to make up a lot of ground because you gained some weight you got a little softer?

Or do you want to feel proud of yourself and confident and happy with your choices? Do you want to start the new year with momentum? Do you want to start the new year ahead of the curve, like feeling like you had your back during this period of time, right? It’s a choice, it is a choice, you get to decide.

So here’s what I’m going to do, I got three tips for you today. And I’m gonna break these down a little bit. But the first one is step number one. Or tip number one is that you get to decide who you want to be on January 2. And you should get very detailed with this, right?

And I tell people all the time to like do these writing exercises, like write it out. Write out who you want to be. And I know a lot of people that listen to this podcast are just like, yeah, whatever. I’m not gonna write that out.

But you know what, it makes a difference. It really does. The people that take the time to do this work and actually sit down and do the writing, when it comes to things like this, they get better results I’m just going to tell you, they do.

So if you want to get better results, I want to encourage you to do a little bit of writing around this. Who do you want to be on January 2, you know, I want you to envision this version of you and write down what it will look like and feel like to be that person on January 2, right.

Now you get to decide if you want to keep losing weight, maybe you’ve already started a weight loss regimen and you’re kind of losing and you’re like that and you want to continue to lose weight. Maybe you want to just maintain your weight through the holidays. Or maybe you’re okay if you gain a little bit of weight during the holidays.

But you’ve probably never thought about it like before, right, but really, it’s a choice, it’s a choice that you get to decide how you want to show up for yourself in January if you want to gain a little bit of weight, that’s fine.

But I just want you to make that decision now. Because this decision that you make today is going to drive your behaviors over the next few weeks. So let’s say you decide you want to gain weight, that means like, you’re probably going to eat more food, drink more alcohol, indulge in a bunch of, you know, sugar, and, you know, processed foods and go a little bit crazy. Maybe you’re gonna, like, stop running for a few weeks, or, you know, not go to the gym. That’s fine. If you want to do all this, it’s totally awesome.

Just know that you will probably gain weight in this process. And if you’re okay with that, if you’re okay, showing up in January, you know, five, eight pounds heavier, whatever, awesome, more power to you. Okay, you get to decide if that’s what you want for yourself, maybe you want to maintain.

Maybe you’re the kind of person who is like, you know, what I’m gonna stick to my healthy eating plan. For the most part, I might make some more exceptions than normal, you know, I might have a little more wine here and there, I might be drinking some more beers, I might enjoy a dessert or two, but for the most part, I’m gonna, you know, kind of stick to the plan.

And maybe you back off the running and the strength training a little bit, but not entirely. So this is a way of maybe maintaining your weight. Okay, totally fine. Again, all these options are available to you.

You’ve probably never thought about it like this before, though, right? Most people just assume that they’re gonna, like, just continue to lose weight or whatever, during the holidays, but they don’t change anything. Okay.

And then let’s say you decide you want to lose during the holidays, you want to continue to lose weight, this is going to require that you keep planning your meals and keep sticking to your plan, right, it’s just going to require that you stick with your running schedule, you keep up with some sort of resistance training. And this plan is awesome. And I’m super proud of you if you decide to do this.

But just know that it requires a commitment, it requires a little bit more discipline and a little more motivation. It doesn’t require as much motivation if you’re okay, gaining some weight over the holidays, right. So you get to decide, do you want to gain weight, maintain your weight or lose weight, make that decision.

So here’s what not to do. So most people go into the holidays, thinking that they’re going to keep losing weight or stay the same, but then they eat a ton more food. They’re eating all the sugar, they’re drinking alcohol, they’re slacking off on their exercise regimen. This is the way most people do it. They don’t have a plan, they just think they’re gonna stay on track.

And they think they’re just gonna, like maintain their weight, but they’re not. Their behaviors are not in alignment with the goal of wanting to maintain their weight. And then they show up on January 2, and they’ve gained weight, they’re like 10 pounds heavier.

And they’re like, I don’t understand what happened. It’s like you didn’t make a plan. You didn’t decide how you wanted to show up. So step one is deciding how you want to show up on January 2, who do you want to be, write it down, decide today, who you want to be, and decide if you’re one of those people that wants to gain weight, maintain or lose weight, make that decision now, and then act accordingly.

So if you’re the kind of person who wants to lose weight, you’re gonna have to stick to your plan. You’re gonna have to be diligent and not eat the cookies when everybody else is eating the cookies.

Maybe people are drinking around you and you’re not. You’ve got to make that decision. If that’s what you want for yourself. Okay? Just be honest with yourself, who is it you want to become? And then act accordingly. Okay, so that’s tip number one or step number one to this process.

Okay, step number two is to make a plan and stick to the plan. So now you have a very clear picture of how you want to show up on January 2. So now you just need to make a plan and stick to it right? It seems so simple, but most people do not do this. Most people just wing it. Right? Don’t wing it. Make a plan.

So making a plan means that you’re planning out all of the events that are coming up, you plan out your meals, you plan out your workouts, you got holiday parties, family events, weird schedules, whatever.

Your kids are gonna be out of school, maybe you work from home and your kids are gonna be home with you. You’re gonna have a house full of people. All this stuff can be an excuse for just blowing off your diet and exercise routines.

And I hear this from people all the time, oh, well, you know, the kids are out of school. So that means I have to eat a lot more cookies. No, it doesn’t, it really doesn’t mean that at all. Right, don’t use that stuff as an excuse for not sticking to your plan. This will require a little bit more, you know, work a little more thought work a little bit of more discipline on your part.

Yes, it will make a plan and stick to the plan, you get to decide what’s on your plan. Just make a plan. Decide what’s coming up, like you know what’s coming up, you know that there’s going to be this holiday event, you know, there’s going to be this work thing, you know, there’s going to be kids around, whatever you got to make cookies for this thing, cupcakes, whatever, plan for all of it.

Decide what you’re going to eat and when, decide when you’re going to get your runs in, decide when you’re going to go to the gym to get your resistance training in, and get it all planned out in advance. Right, so simple, and then just stick to that plan.

Over in the coaching group, I have an entire course called Getting It All Done, where I show you exactly how to plan everything in your life so that you can make it all work, because I get it. We’re all busy. We all have busy lives, we’ve got work, we’ve got kids, we’ve got school, we’ve got all kinds of things going on, right?

And I make these suggestions like, hey, you should probably get outside and exercise every day, you should probably be doing some resistance training. You know, you should probably do some stretching and some yoga and things.

People are just like, dude, I can’t. I don’t have time for all this stuff. And I don’t want you to use that as an excuse. I don’t want you to use the I don’t have time as an excuse, okay? Because time is just a mental construct. It doesn’t truly exist.

You make the time for whatever is important to you, you absolutely do. So make the time for what’s important to you decide what’s important to you make the time and get it done. But I have this cool course right, it breaks it all down and shows you exactly how to do all that. I

found this quote when I was preparing for this podcast, and it might be from Ben Franklin. It’s kind of you know, the internet, who knows what some of this stuff. But anyway, it’s this quote has been attributed to Ben Franklin – “If you fail to plan you’re planning to fail.”

Boom, I love this, quote, if you fail to plan, you are planning to fail. I want to encourage you to not skip this step. Don’t skip the planning, make a plan. Most people just don’t do it. They just wing it. And if you don’t have a plan, you’re going to inevitably fail. Okay.

And just so you know, starting in January over in the coaching group, we’re going to be focused on starting the New Year, the right way. And I’m going to show you exactly how to plan your meals, what you should be eating, what you shouldn’t be eating, and most importantly, how to stick to that plan. Right, anyone can make a plan. It’s the sticking to the plan that’s the hard part.

Here’s my best advice for achieving greatness in any area of your life. Are you ready? Here it is. Make a plan. And then stick to that plan, even when you don’t feel like it. That’s it, make a plan and then stick to the plan. Even when you don’t feel like it.

You can accomplish just about anything with that kind of attitude. If you want to lose weight, make a plan to maybe you quit eating sugar and you quit eating processed food, and then stick to that plan, even when it’s hard. stick to that plan.

Even when you’re surrounded by cookies and candy and pastries. Because you’re gonna want that stuff. It will be hard in that moment, you will not feel like sticking to your plan in that situation.

You know, maybe you’re making Christmas cookies with your kids and the whole house smells like sugar cookies, right? How do you stick to your plan, that’s going to be hard, but you can do it. I know you can.

But that’s what it means to stick to your plan even when you don’t feel like it. If you want to get stronger, make a plan to lift weights a few times each week. And then do that. Work that plan. Even when it’s cold and dark outside.

You don’t feel like getting up and going to the gym because you’d just rather sleep in, get your butt out of bed and get to the gym. Even though you don’t feel like it, do it anyway. That’s how you get stronger.

Right? So make a plan and then stick to the plan. That’s my second best advice for getting through the holidays like a badass.

And then step number three. Listen. You might fail. No big whoop. Do not beat yourself up if you fail. Do not beat yourself up if you fail. What happens if you fail? What happens if you don’t stick to the plan? What happens if you eat the sugar cookies or you just skip the gym or you skip that run because you decided to stay inside watching Netflix?

Like what happens in that situation? And by the way, here’s a little sidebar for you. Netflix, is not bad. Netflix is not the worst thing in the world. People talk about watching TV as being the worst thing you can possibly do. So much so that like, it can feel very guilty and shameful.

When you just sit down to watch a show I say enjoy your TV, but just like anything else, the dosage matters. So just do it in moderation. Right?

And by the way, I just started watching Succession on HBO – holy cow, that is an awesome, awesome show. So enjoy your Netflix, enjoy your streaming TV, whatever, enjoy your movies. It’s a great way to spend some time and you know, snuggled up on the couch with a loved one or something like that. End of rant.

Okay, that was a little sidebar. So what happens if you, if you fail, you eat the cookies, you just don’t get to the gym, whatever. What happens if you don’t stick to your plan 100%? Do not beat yourself up. Just get back on track as soon as you can.

If you screw up one meal, it’s not going to ruin everything for you just get back on track at your next meal. If you miss a workout, don’t freak out about it, you’re not going to lose all your fitness. Just make a point to get back on track at your next workout.

A good rule of thumb is to not have two bad meals in a row and never skip two workouts in a row. What we’re after is consistency, not perfection. It’s more important that you put weeks and months together of consistency. Rather than sticking to some plan perfectly every single day. It’s just not practical to think that way. Right?

The same thing goes for our running through the holidays challenge. If you miss a day, it’s no big deal. Just pick it back up again the next day. It’s not about doing it perfectly. It’s about doing it consistently.

And this all might make common sense. And, you know, it can be very easy to slip into the habit of beating yourself up over this stuff though. It can be really easy to just feel guilty or shameful or talk smack about yourself. Right? These things do not do you any good whatsoever. Right?

What happens is, a lot of times people will have a cheat meal, or they’ll miss a workout. They feel terrible, ashamed, and guilty. And this can very easily spiral you down into an attitude of like, just screw it all. Why should I even bother with any of this, I always mess up. Don’t do that.

Right, indulging in these negative thoughts and negative feelings. And we call these indulgent emotions. When we do this, we indulge in this negativity and worthlessness and shame and guilt – don’t do that. It’s very detrimental to your success. Okay?

Because what happens when you feel bad? What happens when you beat yourself up like this? Typically, you just want to feel better. Typically, you just run to find something to make yourself feel good again. And a lot of times that means using food or alcohol.

So it just makes the situation worse. It completely compounds feeling bad, right? So I plan on failing, it’s part of the process, not a big deal. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Okay. Strive for consistency, rather than perfection and get back on track at the very next opportunity.

Okay, so quick recap. My three tips for handling the holidays like a badass, first of all, decide who you want to be on January 2. Do you want to gain weight, maintain your weight or lose weight and then act accordingly? Who do you want to be on January 2?

Who is that badass version of yourself? What does he or she look like and write about it? Write what it would feel like to stay consistent through the holidays right about what it would feel like to show up on January 2. Feeling good about yourself feeling confident, feeling like you had your back this whole time and decide who you want to be.

Step number two. Make a plan stick to the plan even when you don’t feel like it. Remember, if you fail to plan you are planning to fail.

And then step number three is don’t beat yourself up. If you do fail, no big whoop. Get back on track at your next meal or your next workout. Don’t ever skip two workouts in a row. Don’t ever eat two bad meals in a row. Okay, we’re striving for consistency, not perfection.

And I know you got this. I know you guys have absolutely got this. And listen if you’re ready to make some big changes in 2022 Just join the Running Lean coaching group starting in January we’re going to be focused on weight loss eight pounds down challenge and becoming a fat-adapted runner so you can crush those spring racing goals.

Join us over in the coaching group, just go to runningleanpodcast.com/join, and we’ll see you in January. Love you all keep on Running Lean. I’ll talk to you soon.

If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or you keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time then I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called running lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine. So you can run without bonking, lose weight without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to runningleanpodcast.com/leanforlife and start your transformation today.

102. Choosing Your Struggle

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Have you ever found yourself struggling with something and thought, “Why am I choosing this?” Probably not. If you're like most people then you’ve most likely never considered the fact that you are …

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Podcast Transcript

My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.

Hey there, and welcome to episode 102 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners. And today I’m talking about choosing your struggle. Have you ever found yourself struggling with something and thought, why am I choosing this? Why am I choosing to struggle with this? Probably not.

If you’re like most people, then you’ve probably never considered the fact that you are actually choosing your struggles, all of them. Whatever it is that you’re struggling with right now – your weight, your workouts, how you feel about yourself, feeling stuck – these are all choices that you are making.

So in this episode of the podcast, I’m going to explain what all this means, what it means to be choosing your struggle, and I’m going to offer up some insights for you to start making better choices in your life.

But first, if you liked this podcast, please come check out the Running Lean podcast community on Facebook. This is a group that goes hand in hand with this podcast. Right now we’re in the middle of our running through the holidays challenge. The challenge is to run every day between Thanksgiving day.

And New Year’s Day is a tough time of the year for a lot of people. And running and getting outside and getting some exercise in every single day is a great way to get through the holidays, to help eliminate stress, to feel good about yourself to get the endorphins going the adrenaline going, and to make it through the holidays without losing your mind.

So if you’re interested in joining us, it’s never too late, come and join in the fun, just search for Running Lean community on Facebook. And then if you’re interested in doing more if you’re interested in getting more out of this and going deeper, you know listening to the podcast is great.

But if you want more if you really want to apply all of the stuff that I teach here on the podcast, if you want help applying that to your own life, to make the changes that you want to become the person, the badass person that you want to become, then you got two ways that you can work with me and get more number one is the Running Lean coaching group.

And all month long for this month in December, we’re talking about building mental toughness. Last month, our topic was ending self-sabotage. So each month, I try to pick a topic that’s relevant that will help you to move in the direction of your goals. Right?

So mental toughness, is what’s required to get you through the tough times. And this time of the year, there’s a lot of tough times for a lot of people, okay, things will always get tough. So we need mental toughness to get through all of this, okay. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, run a marathon, or just develop the habits that you need to be able to stick with your food and exercise plans – it all requires mental toughness.

Okay, so join the Running Lean coaching group. And you’ll learn all about how to build mental toughness, you need to get through just about anything in life. Just go to runningleanpodcast.com/join, and you can join us anytime.

Also, I am a coach. And where I excel is in one on one coaching. And if you’re looking for a little personalized help with all this stuff, if you want some help applying all these principles, and getting some experts, one on one guidance, support, encouragement, accountability, maybe some tough love every now and then, then you need to apply for coaching with me.

Just go to runningleanpodcast.com/apply. And you and I will have a conversation and we’ll see if coaching is a good fit for you. Cool, awesome.

So let’s get into this topic of choosing your struggle. And I think this is something that most people don’t realize that they’re making choices around what it is that they’re struggling with. And for you, I want you at the end of this podcast, I want you to be really thinking about the things that you are struggling with and how you can make better choices around your struggles.

Okay, so that’s just the mindset I want you to be in throughout this podcast. So if there’s something you’re struggling with in your life right now, think about it. Bring it to the forefront of your mind and think about that as I go through this. So that you can be thinking about how maybe you can make some changes to your perceptions of what you’re struggling with, cool.

So if you’re like most people, then you probably think that the goal for your life is to have a struggle-free life, that you think that at some point in the future, you will no longer have any struggles, everything’s just going to be rainbows and unicorns, and sunshine. And this is just not the case.

And I definitely used to think this myself, right, I thought that once I got to my ideal weight, once I got to my ideal body composition, once I started to really get clear on what I wanted for myself, once I worked through a lot of my mindset issues, then everything would just be easy for me from here on out.

And I would be struggle free. And I would never have any more challenges or struggles in my life. But that’s not reality. In reality, life is a struggle. You know, I don’t care how many, you know, self-improvement books or personal growth, podcasts you listen to, you are never going to get to a place in your life, where it’s completely struggle-free. It just isn’t going to ever be that way.

Okay, I want you to really understand this first, okay? Every human being on this planet is struggling with something. Life is a struggle, that’s just a fact, we need to stop pretending that it isn’t, we need to stop pretending that at some point, life is just going to be all blissful and joy and challenge free. It just won’t ever get that way. Okay?

Now, this does not mean that you have to struggle with everything all the time. You know, I’ve talked about this before Life is 50/50. Right, you’re going to be happy about half the time and the other half, not so much.

But what I’m saying here is that you will have struggles in your life, every now and then from here on out. So instead of trying to avoid all the struggles, instead of trying to eliminate all the struggles, I want you to start choosing the things you struggle with.

Now, you might be thinking, what, why would I choose to struggle with anything? Right? And I don’t, I’m not choosing this, this is just the way that it is. And this is a concept, I really want you to understand that you’re absolutely choosing whatever it is that you’re struggling with.

So here’s the fact, you can’t accomplish big things without a struggle. When you set out to do something big, there is a struggle involved. There is discomfort involved. growth requires discomfort, you know, you can’t have growth and accomplish big goals without some level of discomfort.

You know, if you want to lose 40 or 50 pounds, then you have to accept the fact that there will be some discomfort and struggle involved with that process. Maybe you’re gonna, you know, eliminate certain foods from your diet that you’re used to eating.

You know, one of the things a lot of people struggle with is quitting sugar, when you stop eating sugar. This is a struggle for a lot of people, or maybe you want to quit drinking. And so, you know, not drinking alcohol, especially this time of the year can be a real struggle. Right?

If you want to qualify for Boston, then you are absolutely going to struggle with that process, the training that is involved to get you to the Boston starting line is intense. You know, for some of us, it’s more intense than others because we got a lot more time to shave off.

I think my Boston qualifying time now that I hit 55 went from, like 330 to 335. And I’m just like, whatever. That’s just not happening now, maybe later, maybe when I’m 70. But qualifying for Boston requires a struggle. It requires a lot of hard work to get you there. Okay.

You know, when I was training for my 100 miler, that was a lot of struggle, the training involved with that distance with you know, getting your body ready to run that distance is intense. You know, I was doing back-to-back long runs on the weekends where I would run maybe 30 miles on Saturday and 20 miles on Sunday. Yeah, that sounds like fun, right?

And then I was running six days a week so I only had one day off and I was building up my mileage. And I think my weekly mileage ended up getting close to like 85 or 90 miles for a week, which is a lot.

You know, I know a lot of people do more than that. But for me, that was a lot. You know, I’m used to my 30, 35, 40 miles a week for marathon training. So that was a big struggle, the training alone, for an event like that is just a total struggle fest, you know, building up the mileage, building up your endurance, that’s a hard thing to do.

And then the race itself, running 100 miles, struggled all through that, you know, so crossing the finish line of that 100 miler, though, all that struggle was worth it. You know, all that struggle of training for something and pushing yourself and becoming more in the process is completely worth it. Right.

The problem is, most people want to accomplish these big things, but they don’t want to struggle. Like they set out to lose weight, but they’re not willing to experience any discomfort, they don’t want any struggles, they don’t want any discomfort, they don’t want any failures, they just want everything to be easy.

And as soon as it gets a little bit hard, or they start struggling, they quit. I don’t want to encourage you to not do that. Accept the fact that there will be struggles with whatever it is you’re trying to do, especially if you’re trying to do something hard, especially if you’re trying to do something you’ve never done before. Just doing something you’ve never done before, is a challenge in itself, because you’ve never done it before.

And you might think well, I don’t know how to do it. Of course, you don’t know how to do it because you’ve never done it before. Of course, you’re going to struggle. But at the first sign of discomfort, if you’re ready to just throw in the towel, and go back to doing whatever you’re doing before, like, that’s not going to work for you.

Alright, the bottom line here is I’m talking about in some way, shape, or form, you will always have struggle in your life, you have to accept this fact. Right? Struggle is inevitable. The good news is, you get to choose your struggle.

So you can choose to struggle with staying where you are being stuck where you are staying small, maybe not feeling good about yourself not having self-esteem, maybe feeling like crap. Or you can choose the struggle that comes with change.

You can choose the struggle of not feeling good right now of not being your healthiest self, of not loving yourself, of not loving your body. You can struggle with having low self-esteem, you can struggle with feeling crappy about yourself.

Or you can choose the struggle that’s involved with changing your diet, or working out at the gym on a regular basis. Or struggling with, you know, heading outside for those long runs, especially when it’s dark and cold outside. Or the struggle of working on your mindset and improving your mindset.

Either way, there’s going to be a struggle involved, right? Which one do you want to choose the struggle of just being where you are and feeling like crap all the time, or the struggle of doing what it takes to change? You might be struggling with something like emotional eating, which is something we all do.

You know, some people call it stress eating, or I’m just bored, some eating, whatever it is, this is all variations of emotional eating, you’re using food as a way of feeling better. And this could be a real struggle for you. You know, you’re using food as a way to not have to feel your feelings that I have to deal with your emotions.

So you can continue to choose to struggle with this you can continue you know, using food as a way of feeling better. And dealing with you know, and not dealing with your emotions and struggling with how you feel all the time.

Or you can choose the struggle of actually dealing with your feelings, dealing with your emotions, feeling your feelings, even when you know you’re even when you don’t want to because you stopped using food as a coping mechanism.

You know, maybe you start dealing with your emotions for the first time in your life. This can feel like a huge struggle fest for a lot of people. Alright, so you can choose the struggle of emotional eating or choose the struggle of dealing with your feelings, like which one of these would you choose? Which are you choosing?

You might be struggling with your relationship you can continue the struggle and hope that things get better and just feel like well, this is just the way it is. Or you can choose the struggle of having real conversations, tough conversations, honest conversations, and communicating openly and plainly with your significant other.

This is not the easier thing to do, I promise you this is, this is hard to do. The struggle involved with communicating with somebody else, and learning how to communicate openly and clearly, and honestly, with another person, you get to choose which struggle you want to endure though.

The struggle of, you know, passive-aggressive behavior, of not saying what you really want to say, of having all these resentments build-up, or the struggle of dealing with what it takes to improve that relationship, the struggle of having those uncomfortable conversations, running might be a struggle for you right now.

You know, maybe you’re, you’re not hitting your PR, you know, and you keep trying, and it’s just a big huge struggle fest for you, right. You know, you can continue to struggle with this and keep falling short of your goals.

Or, you can begin the process of improving your running little by little, doing what it takes to get faster and struggling with that. You can struggle with where you are or struggle with what it takes to change.

Right, there’s always going to be some sort of struggle in the process of improving yourself, of becoming the person that you really, really want to become, it’s a struggle. But you get to choose that if you want, or you can choose to struggle with just, you know, being where you are.

And thinking that this is never gonna work for me. And I could never stick to my diet. And I can’t get out and exercise because of X, Y, and Z. You can struggle with how you feel every single day because you’re stuck where you are.

Or you can choose the struggle that comes with changing who you are. Listen, you get to change who you are, you get to decide for yourself, who it is that you want to become. And you can become the most awesome, healthiest, most badass person that you want to be, you get to choose that for yourself.

The caveat, there is a struggle involved with getting there. I want you to choose that struggle for yourself. You know, struggle with the pain involved with going to the gym and lifting weights. struggle with the mindset it takes to get yourself out of bed at 4:30 in the morning, to get your running in because that’s what’s important to you.

I want you to struggle with you know, dealing with your emotions when you really just feel like eating something or drinking something and you’re not going to do that. Because who you are is not that person that uses food to feel better.

Right now, I’m struggling. I am choosing the struggle that comes with fixing my shoulder. I just had rotator cuff surgery. And I have to tell you it’s terrible. I was going into this feeling very positive. And you know, I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. And I have to tell you, this is pretty dang painful.

And during the day, it’s gotten better like during the day like right now I’m sitting in my chair, I’m at my computer and it feels pretty fine. Like there’s a little bit of achy pain going on there. But it’s not horrible like I can deal with it you know and I’m taking some Tylenol and stuff like that, it’s fine.

But at night trying to sleep is horrible. It’s incredibly uncomfortable. I can sleep for a couple of hours at a time but I keep waking up with intense pain for whatever reason you know, I’ve got myself propped up in bed and everybody says that you got to be like kind of sleeping sitting up to allow your shoulder to just kind of sit in its natural position.

But for whatever reason, it just starts to be incredibly painful and it wakes me up several times throughout the night. And this is uncomfortable. This is a struggle. This is what I am struggling with right now.

But I have to tell myself, and I keep reminding myself that I am choosing this struggle, I’m choosing to struggle with this right now, rather than the struggle of constantly being in pain for the rest of my life with no end in sight. I tore three different, you know, I have three different tears on my rotator cuff. And I have to get those things fixed because they there was not going to get better on their own.

I gave it a year, I gave it like 14 months actually, of this pain, like hoping it will get better. And it’s only gotten worse. So I can continue, I could have continued to just struggle with this. But I made a decision that I was going to choose a different kind of struggle, I’m going to choose to struggle with the pain that I’m dealing with right now with the discomfort with all of it.

Because I know, eventually, this will get better. I know eventually that I am going to be back to normal, and I’ll get stronger than ever. You know, I decided that this was the struggle I was going to deal with because it’s, you know, it’s short term.

Rather than going through the rest of my life feeling like I can’t do the things I want to do. The kind of pain I was in with the shoulder prior to surgery was like I could not do yoga the way I wanted to. I could not lift weights the way I wanted to. Running started to become very problematic.

So I made a decision, I made a choice that I was going to get this thing fixed. And it’s a struggle. I’m going to tell you, I’m going to be honest with you right now. It’s a struggle. But I’ve chosen this, this is what I’ve I’ve chosen for myself, okay.

So whatever it is that you are struggling with right now. I want you to understand something. Number one struggling is inevitable, you will always be struggling with something. And that’s okay. Right life’s 50/50.

It’s okay if you’re struggling with something, but you get to choose what you’re struggling with. And I want you to stop choosing the struggle of staying stuck and feeling small and staying comfortable and staying complacent and wishing you were more.

I don’t want you to struggle with that anymore. I want you to choose the struggle of becoming more. I want you to choose the struggle that it takes to become that badass version of yourself that you know is lurking inside you.

That’s what I want for you. That’s what I’ve chosen for myself and that’s what I want for you. Good deal. Alright, love you all. Keep on Running Lean. I’ll talk to you soon.

If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or you keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time then I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called running lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine. So you can run without bonking, lose weight without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to runningleanpodcast.com/leanforlife and start your transformation today.

99. Overcoming Your Limiting Beliefs

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One of the biggest problems I see with people who attempt to make big changes in their life is a total lack of belief in themselves. If you set out to accomplish a big goal like losing weight or …

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Podcast Transcript

My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.

Hey there, and welcome to episode 99 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners. I can’t believe we’re at 99 episodes already, how fun is that I got something special coming for episode 100. So be sure to check that one out.

Today I’m talking about overcoming your limiting beliefs. One of the biggest problems I see with people who go and attempt to make some big changes in their life is a total lack of belief in themselves, they just don’t think they can do it.

So if you’re one of these people, and you’re setting out to accomplish some big goal, like losing weight or running a faster marathon, whatever it is, it’s going to require you to believe that you can do it.

Instead, what most people do is they have all these beliefs about why they can’t do it. They say things like, Oh, it’s too hard for me, I always fail, I can never do something like that. And these are called limiting beliefs, their beliefs that absolutely limit your ability to reach your goals.

So in this episode, I’m going to take a deep dive into limiting beliefs, I’m going to explain what they are, how they’re keeping you stuck. And I’ll offer up some practical tips on overcoming your limiting beliefs.

But first, if you like this podcast, you have to come check out the Running Lean podcast community on Facebook. And just a heads up beginning on Thanksgiving Day, I believe that is the 25th of November, we are going to start the running through the holidays challenge we did this last couple of years. And it’s a lot of fun.

And basically what it is is a challenge for you to run every day between Thanksgiving Day and New Year’s Day. So I believe this year, it’s going to be a total of like 38 straight days of running. And I’ll talk all about the sort of rules around this. There’s not really rules.

But you know, there are some guidelines that I want you to follow. And I’m going to do a Facebook Live in the Facebook group this Sunday at 4pm. Eastern Time, and I’m going to give you a rundown on what this challenge is all about and invite you to join in the fun. Okay, so just search for Running Lean community on facebook and join us and definitely join us for the running through the holidays challenge. It’s a lot of fun.

And then here’s a message I received a while back from Kathy, I just wanted to share this with you guys. She said, “I found your podcast and Facebook group a little over a month ago and absolutely love them decided to watch your training video. And I think it is such a great breakdown of what we all need to hear and do to become fit and healthy in our body and mind. That is what I love so much about your podcast and your training is that you address the state of mind as well as what we need to do. Physically. Thank you again, I feel like you’re talking directly to me, every time I listen to you. Cheers, Kathy.”

Thank you, Kathy, you’re very, very sweet for for sharing that. And I love getting messages like this because it helps me to see that the message is resonating with you guys. And I love doing this, I’m having a lot of fun.

And then people ask how they can get more how they can work with me. And there’s two ways to do that. There’s the Running Lean coaching group. And this is a group that meets once a week, we do a group Zoom call where you can ask questions, you can you know get support, get help get guidance.

And then of course you get access to all my online training materials. I have the weight loss training course for runners, I have a new course I just created called Getting It All Done. It’s all about planning everything in your life so that you accomplish all of your goals. Achieving the impossible is another course that I have in there. That is all about setting big, huge impossible goals for yourself and then how to accomplish them. So there’s tons of learning material in the group.

And the really the aspect that everybody loves most about it is the the group calls where we get to do a little coaching and teaching but we get to support each other here, what’s working, what’s not working, what did we do to overcome issues and things like that.

So the Running Lean coaching group is a great way to get through and accomplish these big goals that you want for yourself. So if you’re interested in learning more, just go to runningleanpodcast.com/join.

And then if you’re looking for a little more help, a little more one on one coaching. That’s what I do. I can offer you the expert guidance, support, encouragement, accountability, tough love to help you reach whatever health and fitness goals that you want for yourself.

Whether it’s losing a bunch of weight, or running a faster marathon, or just becoming the most badass version of yourself, I can help you get there. So just go to runningleanpodcast.com/apply, you can apply for coaching you and I will jump on a Zoom call.
We’ll talk about the coaching program and just see if this is a good fit for you. Cool.

Alright, let’s get into this topic today overcoming your limiting beliefs. So first of all, what are beliefs, what are beliefs? In general beliefs are just thoughts that you keep thinking over and over again. So beliefs are just things that you have been thinking in your mind over and over again, for years or decades that this is just what a belief is, okay?

When we talk about the beliefs, I need you to understand something, because people fight me on this all the time. And I have to tell you, your beliefs are true for you. They’re not necessarily true for everyone.

So your beliefs come from your model of the world. Your model of the world is your past experiences, your upbringing, your family of origin, has an influence on your model of the world, the culture that you live in the geographic location that you live in, all of these things combine to create the way that you see the world. Your reality is created by the way you see the world.

I want you to understand this, I’m going to say this, again, because this is very, very important. Your reality is created by you. Your reality, the way you see things, is not necessarily the way other people see things, the way you see things is unique to you based on your past experiences, your upbringing, your geographical location, your model, your upbringing, your family of origin, all those things, your model of the world determines your reality, and your model of the world determines what you believe.

Alright, so now that we understand that, you have to understand that you are creating your own set of beliefs, okay, they’re not necessarily true for everyone. So I just want to make sure that we are both, we are both on the same page, you and me are both on the same page with this concept, okay.

So there are basically two types of beliefs. And the two that I’m going to talk about here today would be empowering beliefs. These are beliefs that help you, they’re what we would consider to be positive beliefs, they help you to become more they help you, you know, reach your goals.

They help to give you agency over your own life. And these could be things you believe about yourself about others about the world. These are beliefs that give you power.

And then we have limiting beliefs. limiting beliefs are things that you believe that hold you back, that prevent you from reaching your goals that prevent you from moving forward that prevents you from growing and learning. These are beliefs that keep you stuck and move you further away from your goals.

Okay, empowering beliefs. We want more of those limiting beliefs, we need to address these and this is what I’m talking about today, here. Okay. And then I found this quote that I super love from Henry Ford, you guys have probably heard this before. He says, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”

And I’m going to paraphrase this a little bit and say whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you’re right. Same thing. So you get to believe what you want. If you believe you can do something, you most likely can do that. If you absolutely believe you can’t, you’re going to be right in that instance as well. Okay.

Now, there are three kind of areas where we have limiting beliefs. So we have limiting beliefs about other people, what we believe about other people. We have limiting beliefs about the world in general. And then we have limiting beliefs about ourselves.

So let me let me talk about these a little bit here. So limiting beliefs about other people. What you believe about other people can affect you negatively. And this, this goes to the topic of like comparing ourselves to others when we’re comparing ourselves to others.

And we’re coming out on the losing end of that comparison, which happens very, very often, then we are choosing to believe something that is limiting us limiting our potential limiting our growth, you know, and limiting how we see ourselves.

So if you’re, if you’re looking at other people and thinking, Oh, they’re better than me, they run faster than me. They can do things that I can’t do, they’re thinner than me, or prettier than me or more fit than me, they make more money than me, they’re more successful than me, like, all of these things are just limiting your beliefs about yourself, that you’re putting yourself down with all of these comparisons, right?

So you have these limiting beliefs about others, that really affect you negatively, okay, we also do the same thing about the world in general, you know, you might think, like, you may change your diet and start eating, you know, you stop eating sugar. Let’s give that example.

Okay, so let’s say you stop eating sugar. And you’re getting this feedback that this is not normal, according to the world, right? This is not the way you’re supposed to do things. Right? Or, you know, maybe it’s, it’s in a relationship, and you’re just thinking, like, Oh, I’m supposed to find an amazing partner, fall madly in love, get married, have kids, blah, blah, blah, but I’m finding myself single. So I’m not doing things the way I’m supposed to, according to the world.

You know, you’re basing your life on what you believe, is true about the world in general about what the world wants for you. I want to have this perfect body according to what you’re, you know, you’re seeing on social media.

And I have to tell you, this one sort of breaks my heart because there’s this, like barrage of stereotypes that we’re being forced fed, you scroll through Instagram, and all you see is, you know, quote, unquote, like perfect bodies.

And we compare ourselves to that and think that we don’t live up to that ideal, and that you know, what other people in the world are doing, and the way they look is good. And what we’re doing and the way we look is bad.

And so we do this thing, where we look at the societal norms, and we compare ourselves and we come out on the losing end of that. These are beliefs that you’re choosing about the world, about what’s normal. And this can be very limiting and very damaging to our mental well being, and really holds you back from becoming the person that you want to become.

And then we have limiting beliefs about ourselves. I hear these all the time, when I’m working with people, you know, I hear people say, you know, I’m just not I’m not a real runner. I could never do that I could never run a marathon, I could never run an ultra marathon. I can never lose weight, every time I try to lose weight, I fail. This never works for me. I’ll never be that way again. You know, I’m too old. I love that one. I’m in the best shape of my life. And I consider myself to be kind of an old guy, you know, 55 years old now.

And then you know things about relationships, I’ll never find a partner, I’ll always be alone. You know, whatever it is that you’re saying about yourself. These limiting beliefs that you have about yourself are absolutely keeping you stuck. And they’re keeping you from achieving your goals. And they’re keeping you feeling terrible about yourself and about your abilities.

And I know there’s things that you want for yourself, there’s goals that you have for yourself, maybe you want to lose some weight, maybe you want to run a faster marathon, maybe you want to find the love of your life, whatever it is, whatever you want for yourself. These beliefs that you have are just keeping you stuck and holding you back. That’s why they call it limiting beliefs because they’re limiting your potential.

So why do we have these limiting beliefs? Why do we even do this? If it’s not good for us? If it moves us away from our goals and keeps us stuck and feeling terrible, why do we do this? Why do we have these limiting beliefs?

And really, this is just you just goes back to your brain wanting to protect you. You know, your human brain wants you to be safe and happy and wants you to experience pleasure and to avoid pain once to keep you comfortable and avoid any kind of discomfort.

And limiting beliefs can be a way that you sort of protect yourself from pain from hurt from disappointment from failure from feelings of unworthiness. Limiting beliefs can keep you from trying, so that you don’t have to worry about failing.

Because if you don’t try, if you just say, I could never run a marathon. And, and so that’s a limiting belief that you have. And so you don’t even have to try, then you don’t have to worry about failing.

So limiting beliefs that can give you an instant out, you can just say like, you know what, I’ve tried to lose weight before it never works for me. So boom, I don’t even have to try. It’s more comfortable. Because trying something, experiencing that discomfort of trying something. And then what if you fail? Hmm.

So when you limit yourself, you don’t even have to try. Or you know we’re talking about relationships a little bit to here. So let’s say you’re like, I’ll never find a partner who loves me unconditionally. Nobody ever accepts me the way I am. Why even bother?

In reality, what you’re doing here is you’re just, you’re you want to avoid the pain of being hurt. If you never make yourself vulnerable in a relationship, you’ll never have to experience rejection, you’ll never have to experience hurt feelings. You know saying that you could never run a marathon, you know, is just a way of avoiding all the pain of like training, and the possibility of failing.

Because when you train for a marathon, there’s a lot of pain and discomfort involved, right? Got to get up early, you got to do these long runs, you know, maybe your knees hurt, maybe you got to run in the cold, and wind in the rain. And if you just say, you know what, I could never do that, then you don’t have to experience any of that discomfort, you can just avoid all of that by just telling yourself, you know, it’s too hard. I could never do that.

But is that what you want for yourself? Is that really what you want for yourself? Because the beliefs that you have about what you can and can’t do, might be holding you back from doing the things that you really, really want for yourself.

I want you to ask yourself this question like, what is it that you really want for yourself? And how are your limiting beliefs keeping you from achieving that or even starting?

Now, I want to say this, because I’ve kind of get some pushback on this sometimes from people they’re like, well, I don’t really have a desire to run a marathon, okay, fine, then, you know, if you don’t have any desire to do that, then, you know, telling yourself you could never do that isn’t really a limiting belief. This has to be around things that you actually want for yourself, okay.

For example, I have no desire to go bungee jumping. I have no desire to sing opera on stage. So for me, to avoid these things, it’s really not a limiting belief. You know, I can say to myself, like, I don’t believe I’ll ever be an opera singer. And that’s not a limiting belief, because I don’t want to be an opera singer. And trust me, you don’t want me to be an opera singer, either, okay? You really don’t. Nobody wants that.

But for this thing to be a limiting belief, I would have to want that for myself. So let’s say I really wanted to, and I was, you know, this is my dream is to sing opera on stage, or to jump off a bridge, you know, bungee jump, or whatever. I have no desire to bungee jump, you guys.

So I just want you to know that no desire, you know, the fear that’s involved with that is just a little too overwhelming for me. I just don’t want to do it. And so I might say, like, you know, what, I just don’t want to do that I’m afraid or, you know, scary and fine, no big deal. It’s not a limiting belief.

So just understand that, you know, these are things that you want for yourself that you’re choosing to believe, that are holding you back, and you’re choosing these beliefs that are keeping you stuck there choosing beliefs that are keeping you from starting, those are the kinds of things I’m talking about here, okay.

And listen, I’ve had my share of limiting beliefs. I believed at one point that running 100 miles was impossible for me, I couldn’t do it. There’s no way I could do it. I even was doing some ultra marathons. I was doing a bunch of 50K’s and I even ran a 50 miler, and after that 50 miler, I was like there’s no freaking way that I will ever be able to run 100 miles, it’s just too far. It’s too hard.

50 was almost impossible and I’m just too old, this training would be too much. I don’t have the time, blah, blah, blah. And, and then one day for whatever reason, I don’t even know why.

But I just asked myself a different question. I was like, what if I could run 100 miles? What if I wasn’t too old? What if I made the time for the training? And just making this little mental shift of like, what if I created a shift within myself, and I started to believe, some different things.

I started to believe that maybe I could do this, maybe I could make the time for the training, maybe I could, you know, show up and do the work. And I could actually accomplish something huge like this, something that seems absolutely impossible.

For me, something that has seemed impossible for me for years. And now I’m starting to think maybe, just maybe I could, that little shift in my belief about my potential changed everything for me. And I did.

I set out to do the training. And I put in the work, and I had to believe in myself in order to accomplish that. And I want this for you, too. When it comes to overcoming your limiting beliefs, that takes a bit of work.

The beliefs that you have about yourself, especially when you’re like, you know, I’ve tried, it just doesn’t work for me. These kinds of beliefs are hardwired into your brain. These are things that are deeply rooted, they’re things that you absolutely believe to be true about yourself.

Because you’ve been thinking these thoughts over and over and over and over for years and decades. And you’ve probably never questioned them before, you’ve just always said, I can’t do it. I’m not good enough. I’m not capable. It never works for me.

But here’s the thing, I want you to start questioning all of these beliefs, your beliefs about the world, your beliefs about other people, and especially the things that you’re choosing to believe about yourself, because you get to choose what you believe about everything.

You choose your beliefs, they’re not thrust upon you. THis is probably something you’ve never thought about before. But I want you to know that this is absolutely available to you to choose what you believe. You’re doing it anyway, you’re choosing all these beliefs about yourself.

Anyway, everything you believe, is a choice. And you’ve probably never, like really thought about this before. And that’s fine. But listen, your beliefs, our decisions, everything you believe, is something that you are choosing to believe.

So with each belief that you have, there’s probably some moment in time where you made a decision to believe it, you know, could have been when you were a kid, maybe you got bullied, and you decided you would never speak up again, you want to stay small, and it’s safer that way. And so there’s no risk involved. And, you know, that’s just one example. Right?

So even today, you know, you’ve been believing this your whole life, it’s just better to stay small and don’t speak up. Because it’s safer. One of my coaches used to say, whenever I’d say something like, oh, here’s what I believe this is the truth. This person would say, when did you decide that?

And I always was like, I hate it when you say that. But it’s the truth. When did you decide that? When did you decide to start believing that you get to decide what you want for yourself?

And so I want you I want to encourage you to start making better decisions about everything about what you’re choosing to believe. So these limiting beliefs that we have, have been decisions that we’ve been making over and over and over again, okay.

And here’s, here’s another way of saying this, I love this little quote that I read in a book once and it was like, “You have to believe it to see it, not the other way around.”

So you have to believe in yourself, you have to believe you can accomplish your goal in order to accomplish your goal. But we think it’s the other way around. We think oh, as soon as I accomplish this goal, then I’ll know that I can do it, then you know, I need to see the evidence. I need to see the result in order to believe that I can do something like that.

And we got that backwards. Right? You don’t see it to believe that you believe it and then you’ll see it. You’ve got to believe in yourself, and then you can accomplish your goals. You have to change the belief first.

You can’t expect to accomplish some big goal like this, you want to lose a bunch of weight or run an ultra marathon or PR or you know, run Boston qualifying time, you’re not going to accomplish something like that.

If you have all these limiting beliefs, like it’s too hard, I can’t do this. This has never worked for me, those kinds of beliefs will not get you there, I promise you, they will not get you there. You have to believe in yourself first.

So I want you to think about this. What beliefs are holding you back? How are the things that you believe about yourself, limiting your potential? Or how are the things that you’re believing about others or the world, like, start looking at all of the things that you believe, and I want you to challenge all of them. Every single one.

You get to believe whatever you want, you can choose to believe that you’ll never lose weight, that this will never work for you that this is too hard that you can’t do it, you’re not good enough. But what good is that doing you? It’s terrible.

It’s a terrible thing to believe about yourself. It doesn’t do you any good at all. It’s keeping you stuck. It’s keeping you small. It’s keeping you from reaching your goals keeping you from achieving big things that you want for yourself.

So, since you get to choose your beliefs, why not choose the beliefs that help you, but choose beliefs that will get you to your goals, choose whatever you want for yourself, choose a belief like I will absolutely get to my goal weight, no matter how long it takes. Damn, that’s an empowering belief right there that will get you to your goal, that kind of belief in yourself will get you to that goal.

I am going to PR my next marathon, I’m going to put in the work and get there no matter what. When you believe that you’ll get there. I want you to practice this. And you know like everything else, it takes practice, right?

You can’t just like say at one time, like I’m going to run this marathon and then you’re going to do it. No, you’ve got to practice these things daily. So what is it that you want for yourself?

You want to get leaner, you want to get stronger? You want to run a faster marathon, you want to run 100 miles? What is it that you want for yourself? Do you want to change your relationship with food? Do you want to change your relationship with alcohol? Do you want to have an amazing relationship with a human being?

Do you want to experience deep meaningful love and passion and connection with somebody? Whatever it is you want for yourself? Choose to believe that you can do it. And question all the beliefs you have around this thing.

Ask yourself why you think you can’t do it? This is a good question. Why do I think I can’t do this? What’s holding you back? Why won’t this work for me? What’s stacked against me, these are these are going to start to identify your limiting beliefs, and then start choosing better thoughts. Your beliefs are just thoughts that you think over and over again.

So start choosing better ones. Start with the opposite of these, you know, you have a belief that you know, what’s holding me back, oh, this never works for me, what’s the opposite of that? This will absolutely work for me. You know, like, just start looking at reframing your negative beliefs into positive beliefs.

And practice this, you’ver got to practice this on a daily basis. This is not a one and done, this is ongoing work that we have to do. And these beliefs will come up that it’s you know, in surprising ways. And you’ll you’ll find yourself saying things to yourself like, oh, you know, I don’t know, this just never works for me. So why bother?

Like, oh, wait, wait a minute, what does that look at that question that confront those limiting beliefs and start changing them, okay. The only limits you have in your life are the ones you choose to believe.

I want you to choose to become limitless instead. Okay. That’s all I got for you today. Love you all keep on Running Lean. I will talk to you soon.

If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or you keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time then I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called running lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine. So you can run without bonking, lose weight without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to runningleanpodcast.com/leanforlife and start your transformation today.

95. Getting Your Family’s Support with Your Weight Loss Plan

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One of the hardest things about losing weight is feeling like no one is supporting you in your weight loss journey. Not only do you feel a lack of support, but you feel like the people closest to …

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Podcast Transcript

My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.

Hey there, and welcome to episode 95 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners. And today I’m talking about getting your family’s support with your weight loss plan.

So one of the hardest things about losing weight is feeling like no one is supporting you in your weight loss journey. No one’s got your back. Not only do you feel a lack of support from the people closest to you, but you actually feel like these people are going out of their way to make it harder for you to stay on track.

Why are they doing this? Why do we feel unsupported when we decide to make these big changes in our health and diet? How do we get through this? How do we get the support that we need to be successful with being healthy and sticking to our plan with making this our new way of life? I’ve been getting these questions a lot lately.

So in this episode of the podcast, I’ve got some helpful tips for getting your family support with your weight loss plan. But first, if you’d like this podcast, please come check out the Running Lean podcast community on Facebook.

It’s a group of like-minded runners who are focused on improving their health improving their fitness getting stronger, getting leaner, getting faster, and we support each other, we encourage each other we inspire one another, we motivate one another.

And it’s a place where you can ask questions. And it’s a place where you get a voice. You know, this podcast is great, I get to talk to you. But I don’t get to hear from you. And you don’t get to share what’s going on with you.

Join the Facebook group and you can share what’s going on with you. You can ask questions you can get answers. And it’s a lot of fun. That’s fun. So just search for Running Lean community on Facebook and hope to see you over there.

And then people ask how they can work with me. And there are really two ways. There’s the Running Lean coaching group which meets once a week we do a live group coaching call. And this is a great way to introduce yourself to becoming a fat adapted runner to understanding how your thoughts and feelings drive your actions to learn all about, you know how to succeed with your weight loss goals with your running goals.

You get to hear from like-minded people, we get to share what’s going on, we do a little coaching and teaching in the group once a week. And you get access to all my online training materials. So this is a great introduction to coaching and a great way to kind of get yourself started and make some progress. And to learn more and join the group just go to runningleanpodcast.com/join.

And then the other way of working with me is as your coach, I’m a one-on-one coach, this is my jam, this is what I do, I can show you exactly how to become the healthiest, most badass version of yourself. I’ll show you how to do it, you can get there.

And when you sign up to coach with me, you get the personalized meal plans, you get personalized attention, you know, it’s you and me working together to get you to your goals. It’s a results-oriented coaching program.

It’s not about just like I don’t have like a blueprint that I just give to everybody that’s exactly the same. It’s you and me figuring out together, what works best for you what makes you feel the best.

What gets you to your weight loss goals, what gets you to your running goals? What helps you to become the best, healthiest version of yourself? That’s what we do. And we do it together and we have fun here. Are you sensing a theme here? Like we try to have fun with all this stuff.

Losing weight, getting healthy does not have to be a suffer fest, we can have fun doing it. Anyway, if you’re interested in coaching with me just go to runningleanpodcast.com/apply. And you and I will jump on a quick Zoom call, have a conversation and we’ll talk about your goals. We’ll see if this is a good fit for you. Cool. Awesome. All right.

So I’ve been mulling around this topic for a while now because it’s something that is recurring. I keep hearing people talking about this and variations of this topic of like not feeling supported by their family and I’ve been working on this for a while and I think I have helpful tips for you guys today.

So make sure you listen to this whole podcast. I don’t know, don’t like just skim through these sometimes because if you do, you’re missing out on the good stuff. But today I’ve got some really helpful tips at the end of this episode, so stick around for that.

But the issue is that I hear a lot of people talking about how they don’t feel supported in what they’re doing, especially when they change their diet when they change what they’re eating. And then they try to stick to their plan. And this is especially true at the beginning of their weight loss journey.

And they tell me, they feel like they’re all alone. They feel like they’re just on their own, they feel lonely, they feel like no one is supporting them, their spouse isn’t supporting them, their kids maybe aren’t supporting them, and they just and their friends aren’t supporting them. And they just feel all alone. And it makes it very difficult to want to stick to their plan.

So I really think this is an issue for a lot of people and we need to, you know, figure this out. Right? So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today is what do we do in these situations, when we don’t feel supported, especially from the people closest to us, like our spouses, okay.

So one thing I want you to understand here is that if you want everybody in your family, if you want your spouse, and your kids and everybody, your family and all your friends, to just be on board with what you’re doing, and to totally support you, and to think the way you think and feel the same way you feel and do the things that you’re doing.

I’m just gonna tell you right now, this is an exercise in futility, you are going to be disappointed when you are expecting other people to think the way you think and do what you’re doing and say things that support you all the time, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. I’m just going to tell you right now, when you expect people to say this thing or do that thing, I promise you, they will let you down.

Okay, so we just have to understand that the number one thing we have to understand here is that you cannot control what other people are thinking what other people are feeling, what they are saying what they’re doing. And you have to stop pretending like you can control all of that. Okay, because you cannot.

And one thing that keeps coming up for me is when people say, Well, you know that my husband isn’t saying these things to me that he’s not talking to me in a way that feels supportive. He’s saying negative things, you know, he’s saying, Well, why don’t you just, you know, live a little, you know, just enjoy yourself for once, you know, these kinds of things are not helpful. Okay?

And I hear people say this, and I’m like, okay, I get it, you wish that they said different things to you, which isn’t really going to happen. Okay, first of all, but are you saying these things to yourself? Are you being encouraging to yourself? How are you talking to yourself? This is an important thing for you to think about. And really be honest with yourself.

Are you saying to yourself, “I don’t know if I should do this? Maybe I should just live a little? Oh, maybe I am. I’m doing great. And I deserve a little something. Maybe I should reward myself because I’ve been staying on my plan all week. So I can just eat like a cake.” Right?

I mean, that’s fine. Like, how are you talking to yourself? What are you saying to yourself? What’s that inner dialogue look like for you? Because if you’re not supporting yourself in the way that you’re talking to yourself, do you really expect other people to do that for you? Yeah.

And listen, I understand that it can feel like people are supporting you like no one is supporting you. You can make everything that they do and say mean that they’re not supportive of you. Right?

So you go out to dinner with your husband, and he’s like, You know what, I’m going to get extra french fries, because I’m like, really hungry. So and you’re like, “Ah, see, he’s not supporting me.” Or, you know, you’re you come home from work and your wife brings home a pizza for her and she’s eating pizza with the kids and you’re like making yourself some chicken and a salad or whatever. And you’re like, “See, she’s not supporting me.”

Or, you know, you go out to dinner with your friends and they’re ordering all these fruity cocktails and you’re not drinking, you know, and you’re just sitting there like feeling sorry for yourself and like, look, my friends aren’t supporting me. See how all these people aren’t supportive.

You can make everything mean that people aren’t supporting you. Okay? Look what they’re doing. See, they’re not supporting me in reality, none of this stuff. None of this has anything to do with you. This is just them doing them. Right? You’ve got to do you let them do them, and you do you.

And when you start making everything mean that you’re not being supported, you’re going to start to find evidence for that everywhere. Everywhere you look, every person you talk to, you’re going to feel like they’re not supportive of you see, here’s another person that’s like eating something that I can’t eat. So that means they’re not supportive of me.

And we’ve just got to get over this. Alright, you have to learn how to support yourself like this is my number one tip for you here today, is that you have to be your own number one best supporter, you have to have your own back all the time. What does this mean?

What does it mean to have your own back? Having your own back means that you speak kindly to yourself the same way you would speak to a friend. So if you and a friend were trying to stick to a healthy eating plan, and you were doing it together, and your friend was feeling like, I’m not sure about this, what would you say to that friend?

You’d be like, “Listen, you got this, you can do this stick with the plan, we’re gonna, we’re gonna get through this.” Like, that’s how you would treat your friend. That’s what you would say to your friend. That’s the way you need to dialogue with yourself.

Because the way you dialogue with yourself is whether you had your own back or not. So speak kindly to yourself, encourage yourself. Don’t talk trash to yourself. Don’t be like, “Oh, look at you, you screwed up again. Nothing ever works for you, you can’t do this. You know, you might as well just give up.” Like this is trash talk that you do to yourself. And listen, we all do it, right? But you’ve got to stop doing that. So speak kindly to yourself, stop the trash-talking to yourself.

Having your own back means keeping the promises you made to yourself, you make a commitment. I’m going to stick to my food plan today. And then you honor that commitment that you made to yourself, that’s having your own back. Right?

You say you’re going to do something, you commit to doing that thing. And then you do that thing. You honor the commitments you make to yourself, that’s having your own back.

What’s not having your own back is constantly breaking those commitments to yourself. Letting yourself down, making a plan and saying, “Okay, tomorrow, I’m sticking to my plan no matter what.” And then tomorrow comes and you’re like, you know what, I just feel like Chick-fil-A, and you go eat a bunch of, you know, get a bunch of junk food on your way home from work and just gorge out on that. Right?

Like that’s not having your own back. You have to be your own best supporter. This is like the number one thing I want you to take away from this episode right here is that when it comes to who’s supporting you and who isn’t?

If you’re not supporting you, how can you expect other people to? If you’re not supporting yourself, and you’re expecting everybody else to do it for you, you’re going to be very disappointed. Every single day, it’s not gonna work for you, okay? So you have to have your own back, you have to be your best supporter.

And here’s something I really think is important, something that you have to understand. You have to stop trying to control your circumstances. So stop trying to control what other people are thinking what other people are feeling when other people are saying what other people are doing. These are all circumstances.

And if you heard me talk about this ever in the past, you know that circumstances are things you cannot control. What you have control over are your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. That’s it. So you can’t control what other people are doing or saying or thinking or whatever.

So, your husband will say what he says and he’s gonna think what he thinks he’s gonna do what he does. And if you’re hoping he’s gonna change all that stuff, you will forever be in turmoil around all of that. Alright, because he is not going to change except that he is the way he is.

He’s going to say what he says, he’s gonna think how he thinks, and what he does, he’s just gonna keep doing right. You have to take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and actions. You have to take responsibility for your own decisions for your own choices.

Don’t blame other people for your bad choices. Don’t blame other people because you didn’t stick to your plan. It’s not their responsibility for you to, you know, stick to your healthy eating plan. It’s yours. It’s on you to take ownership.

I want you to take extreme ownership of your own health. And listen, this is not bad news. This is good news, this is very empowering. Because when you rely on other people and other people’s opinions, then this can be very disempowering because you’re giving your power away to others. You’re letting others’ thoughts and feelings about us determine how we think about ourselves that’s not good, or their opinions don’t matter.

So friends, moms, spouses, they all have their opinions about what you’re doing. Everybody has an opinion, right? And most people are more than happy to share their opinion with you whether you ask for it or not, especially when it comes to what people are eating.

And I think this is so crazy, and like weird, like, people will tell me all the time, like, why would you eat that? Or that’s weird. Or I was standing in line recently at this little breakfast buffet thing. And I was, you know, it kind of just loaded up my plate with eggs and bacon. And that was it. And somebody next to me was like, well, that’s a lot of protein. You know, and I was like, thanks for your opinion, didn’t ask for it. But thank you.

But people are just more than happy to share their thoughts with us. Isn’t that funny that we do that? I don’t understand. I would never say anything to somebody about what they’re eating.

But here’s a story I heard recently, from one of my clients, they were feeling good. They had started a couple of weeks into their weight loss journey. And they were feeling great. They changed their diet. They’re losing weight, they had tons of energy, and they were just like, feeling great about themselves.

And so they were talking to a co-worker about it. And they said, you know, hey, this is what I’m doing. And I feel so amazing. And this person they were talking to at the office was like, oh, yeah, I tried that low carb thing. It didn’t work for me after a few months.

And so this person came back to me, and she was very concerned about this, like, “Oh, is this gonna happen for me, too?” Like she really internalized this, right? And she believed that because this other person who she doesn’t even know that well had this one experience that that’s going to be her experience, too.

And I was like, listen, you don’t have to. First of all, you don’t have to believe what other people are telling you. Their opinions are just that they are their own opinions, it’s their own experiences. And what they’re saying and what their experiences were don’t mean squat to their experiences, they’re not yours.

Maybe they did it wrong. Maybe they didn’t really do it at all, maybe they thought they were doing it right. But they weren’t, I don’t know that. Who knows what happened with that person, it doesn’t really matter.

To be honest with you, most people try some sort of dietary change, and then give up after some time, and then say it doesn’t work, or that didn’t work for them when they really didn’t like stick to it long enough.

Or they didn’t make some minor changes or whatever. Like there’s always something we can do. And this is one thing I do with all my coaching clients is like, we always check and see how are things working? Are we getting the results that we want? Are you feeling good? Or is running getting better? How are your energy levels? Are you hungry?

Are you losing weight?

But we keep looking at all these metrics, and then we keep making minor changes to stay on plan and to keep moving in the right direction. But we don’t quit. But this is what most people do. They get to a point with their diet or whatever they’re doing. And they’re like, this isn’t working anymore, that diet doesn’t work.

And so if you internalize that and say like, oh, maybe this doesn’t work, because this one person had this one experience, and I don’t even know what they were doing. Just we got to stop doing that. Okay?

Other people’s opinions are just that – they’re their opinions, what their experiences were or what their opinions are, does not matter to you, you get to choose what you believe about yourself. Even if your spouse is like, I don’t think this is a good idea.

You know, we can really internalize that and think like, oh, maybe it’s not a good idea. Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this. But really, do you feel good? Are you enjoying this? Are you getting results? Are you becoming healthier? Like, then just stick with it. You know, don’t worry about their opinion, let them have their opinion, because they will share it with you.

But at the same time, you get to choose what you want to believe about yourself, period. Right? It’s on you. So people will have their opinions. You don’t have to internalize all that stuff, okay? But here’s what happens when you do internalize that stuff.

When you start to believe all the BS that people are telling you or whatever, you start to doubt yourself. You stop believing in yourself, you lose confidence. You know, you get frustrated you get worried and so what do you do when you start feeling frustrated and you start feeling worse? A lot of times you give in, you go off your plan, and then you eat a bunch of crap, you start to feel like crap.

And then you slip into these old behaviors because you’re going to start using food to feel better again, and the cycle continues. And then you’re back to where you were at square one. This is not having your own back, this is the opposite. Okay?

This is like self-sabotage stuff that we do. Okay? So what I’m saying here is that, like, you have to have your own back. And you have to just like trust in yourself, trust the process, you have to believe in yourself. And you don’t have to believe what other people are telling you. Right? Take control of your own thoughts, feelings, and actions, you get to choose what you believe. Isn’t that awesome? I think that’s amazing.

You get to choose what you believe people can say whatever they want, you get to choose your own beliefs about yourself. So own this, own it. Really be in control of your own beliefs, your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Take 100% ownership of your own health. Stop giving away your power to other people, you’re in control. You get to choose what you want to believe about yourself.

Okay, so this is like my number one, like, big overarching tip here today is you, you have to take ownership, and you have to be your own best supporter. Okay. Here are a few other tips for you. Tell your family, your spouse, your kids, whoever it is that’s closest to you.

Tell them that, make sure you explain to them that this is about me and not you. I’m doing this thing, I’m making these changes. I’m not going to force my plan on you, you get to do what you want. If you want to come along with me great, if not great, but this is what I’m doing. And I’m doing it for me. I’m not doing it for you. I don’t care what you think. I don’t care about your opinion.

I don’t care, you know, uh, whether or not you want to join me in this journey, but this is what I’m doing. For me. It’s not about you, you get to do whatever you want you to do you let me do me, okay. So make sure that you explain that.

And that, especially with your spouse, right, because a lot of times the spouses can just be like, they can say things that get under our skin, or they can try to pull us down to what they’re doing. They’re like, Come on, just have some french fries. Come on, let’s just get some pizza tonight. You’ve been doing great. These little things can be really subtle, but also very dangerous for us. Right?

Because then they’re starting to like influence you, you’re letting them influence you. You just have to let them know like, Listen, you do you and I’m going to do me okay? It’s not about you, it’s about me. My next tip is that you have to explain that you may be a little bit of a cranky pants at times, especially at the beginning. Okay?

Listen, I’m not gonna candy-coat here, change is hard. Change is uncomfortable. And when you’re changing your diet, and let’s say you’re used to eating a bunch of junk food and a bunch of sugar and a bunch of comfort food, all that stuff that you’ve been eating for a long time and you’re like, I’m going to stop eating the junk, I’m going to stop eating sugar.

And when you do that, it’s going to be uncomfortable, you’re going to go through a period of discomfort, okay, it’s part of the process. Like being uncomfortable is like the price you have to pay to make that change. Alright, it’s required, it’s a requirement.

So embrace the discomfort and just let them know, listen, I may be a pain in the butt here. Please understand, this is not about you, but I’m just doing something that is, you know, it’s challenging, and I’m going to feel a little uncomfortable doing it. I’m going to be embracing the discomfort and I’m going to keep going alright, you have been warned.

But just let them know it’s not about them, it’s just about you and it will pass you know, usually you know a few weeks into it, it starts to get a lot less uncomfortable.

Another tip here, make your environment work for you. And this is going to look different for different people. But you may have to go through your kitchen and get rid of the crap food that you’ve got sitting around okay. You may have to like just totally get rid of the cookies and the chips and all this stuff.

If this is not an option for you, if you’ve got somebody kids or spouse in your household that eats a lot of this stuff still and is not willing to give up some of this junk food, then put that stuff in a designated cabinet. This is just for them and you stay away from it.

Like this is a little environment hack to help us stick to our plan because every time you open the cabinet to get you to know, whatever it is you want for yourself, and you’re seeing all the junk food, you’re just going to keep getting reminded that that stuff is there.

And it’s gonna make it very difficult for you. So do your best to make your environment work for you. Right. And sometimes that’s throwing stuff away. Or sometimes it’s like just putting it into a place where you just have limited access to it. Okay.

Here’s another tip. And this one’s going to sound hard. But it’s actually really cool. It’s really, really empowering. And that is like practice, being around people being around food being around situations that are tempting for you. Say what now? Yes, I’m telling you to put yourself in situations where people are eating junk food in front of you.

And I want you to just be in those situations and do nothing. Because here’s the reality of life, you are going to be in situations like this, whether you want it or not. And if you’re trying to control for all of this, and you’re just trying to like live in some sort of bubble, where everything is just perfectly formulated around you, and everybody’s eating the right foods, and you’re never going to see tempting foods or alcohol or whatever, it’s going to be a really tough life for you.

Like, you’re just you’re going to be around these situations, whether you want to or not. So my tip is to practice being in this in these situations and do nothing. Practice being around people who are eating junk food or drinking and you’re not drinking.

Practice being around people who are eating a bunch of junk, sugar, candy, whatever it is, and don’t do it, you know. Let other people order their dessert and just watch them eat it and just like, notice what comes up for you, how are you feeling in those situations? It’s gonna feel probably a little terrible, it’s okay, embrace the discomfort, don’t do anything about it.

Because the more you do this, the more you build the skill of being in these situations without giving in to the urges and the cravings and stuff, right. And if you’re just trying to shelter yourself from these situations, and that’s how you’re going to deal with it, there’s going to be a time where you just find yourself around people who are eating dessert or drinking or something like that, and you’re just like, screw it, just give in, because you haven’t developed that skill.

So what I’m telling you is to embrace some of those situations, put yourself in those situations. You know, I wouldn’t do it like, every single day. But practice being in those situations. You know, your husband brings home pizza for him, and the kids just sit there with them and enjoy your salad while they’re eating pizza.
You’re going to smell it, it’s going to look great, that cheese is all gooey and just gonna look amazing. But just like you know, what, just be like, Yeah, that’s cool. How was your day?

And just be with the discomfort, you know, embrace the discomfort and don’t, don’t give in. And the more you do this, the easier it becomes. This is a skillset, a habit that you need to learn, okay.

And then another tip I have for you is to create your own support system, alright. So it can be very helpful to have a support system around you. And it doesn’t have to be your spouse or your immediate family members or whatever, or your mom or whoever. Like you can like have, you can sort of create your own support system. Okay.

And here’s what I mean by this. You might have some like-minded friends that are on board with you – spend more time with them. You might belong to Facebook groups, like the Running Lean community on Facebook, which is a bunch of like-minded people who support you, you might read books that support what you’re doing, or listen to podcasts that support what you’re doing.

You might follow people on social media, you might hire a coach, these are all ways of creating a support system for yourself. Because listen, you can have your own back and that’s awesome. And that’s great. Honestly, it is helpful to have supportive others around, but sometimes you just have to create it yourself.

You can’t expect other people to just magically be your support system. Okay? So create your own support system. When I get into something when I’m making a big change. Like when I was training for my Ironman, that’s a big deal, right? It’s a super challenging event and there are so many moving parts. Like when you talk about doing basically an all-day event that involves three different sports like there’s so much involved with that.

I created my own support system around that I was reading books and listening to podcasts and following people on social media and you know started to develop these friends who we would train together and talk about stuff together, and drive to different places to, to swim in open water, or go on long bike rides together. Like I just surrounded myself with my own support system, I created my own support system. And it was very, very helpful.

You know, instead of just sitting there by myself, you know, wondering, I don’t know what to do, or, you know, I don’t know how I’m going to get through this, or I’m afraid of not being able to finish this thing or whatever. Like, I created a support system, and it was so helpful. So this is something I want you to do for yourself, okay, take ownership of this stuff for yourself.

And then here’s the thing, sometimes people in your life will eventually get on board with what you’re doing. Sometimes, your spouse might see what you’re doing.

They see you’re doing great, they see you’re losing weight, they see that you’re feeling better, you’re in a better mood, you have lots of energy, you know, you love running, again, you’re working out, you’re getting fit, you have this halo about you, you’re just radiating good health.

When you get to this point, some people be like, hey, I want some of that, too. And I see this a lot with spouses, especially, who aren’t very supportive at the beginning, they’re like, I want nothing to do with your stupid diet, you know, I’m not doing any of that I’m sticking to my thing over here. But once they see their spouse making all these amazing changes and feeling great and losing weight, they just are this beacon of good health and happiness.

And then a lot of times the spouses are like, Hey, um, what is it you’re doing again? They all of a sudden want some of that, okay, so this can happen. And it’s awesome when it does. But listen, that’s not the goal, the goal is not to get people on board, right?

Because if that’s your goal, if you’re expecting people to come around, eventually, you’re probably going to be disappointed. It does happen sometimes. And what I always tell people is I just say, like, be an example. Be an example for your husband, be an example for your wife, be an example for your kids, or your grandkids, or whoever it is, that’s important to you in your life. Be a good example.

And a lot of times people will come around and want what you have because they see so many positive changes in you. And this is an awesome thing. If it does happen for you, but don’t expect it. That’s the key here like it can happen, but not all the time. Okay.

So listen, the biggest takeaway here and I kind of mentioned this before is like, it doesn’t matter who’s supporting you who isn’t, you have to be your own best supporter, you have to have your own back. I want you to take 100% ownership of your own health, your own fitness, your own diet, whatever it is that you’re doing, be your own best supporter.

Remember that you control you have control of your own thoughts, feelings, and actions and nothing else. Everything else that other people are doing, saying thinking, feeling whatever is on that. You get to believe what you want to believe about yourself.

Choose to believe the good things, have your own back, speak to yourself in a way that is kind and supportive, and encouraging of yourself. Because at the end of the day, it’s just you, right? This is the good news though, right? Because when you’re only relying on yourself, which you can do, then you can absolutely make so much progress.

When you’re relying on yourself and you have your own back it doesn’t matter what the rest of the world is thinking or doing or saying it doesn’t matter who’s on board and who isn’t who’s supporting and who isn’t. None of that stuff matters. What matters is that you 100% have your own back and that you are your number one supporter and always be there for you to just know that okay, you totally got this all right, that’s all I got for you today.

And if you’re looking for a little bit of help with all this, that’s what I do. I can offer the expert guidance, support encouragement, accountability, and experience you need to make this work for you. No matter what your goals no matter what your lifestyle no matter what your tastes we can make this work for you just go to runningleanpodcast.com/apply. And we can just jump on a call and see if coaching is a good fit for you. Cool. All right, you guys have an amazing day love you all keep on Running Lean, and I’ll talk to you soon.

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