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205. The Problem is You

December 1, 2023 By Patrick McGilvray

Most people come up with all sorts of excuses, reasons, and stories for why they can’t accomplish something hard. You set out to lose weight so you change your diet but you eventually slip back …

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Podcast Transcript

My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, Sports Nutritionist, Master Life Coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind. So you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster, and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.

Hey there, and welcome to episode 205 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, The Weight Loss Coach for Runners. And today, the problem is you. So most people come up with all sorts of excuses and reasons and stories for why they can’t accomplish something hard.

So you might set out to lose weight. So you change your diet, but eventually kind of slip back into old habits, and your new way of eating goes out the window. And when you ask most people why they do this, that’s when all the excuses and the reasons in the stories come into play.

There’s a different way to approach all of this. And in this episode, I’m going to show you the way most people think that the problem is out there. But when you accept that the problem is you, you can start accomplishing everything that you want in your life.

But first, I talk a lot about losing weight and improving your health and fitness here on the podcast. And I know all of this information can feel a little bit overwhelming. That’s why I created a very comprehensive free hour-long training for you called Five Simple Steps To Becoming A Leaner Stronger Runner.

In this training video, you’ll learn how to fuel your body properly, to lose weight, and improve your running. You’re going to learn the incredibly important role that strength plays in being a lean, healthy runner, you’re going to learn how to make changes that actually are sustainable, and so much more.

If you’re ready to get leaner and stronger, to run faster, run longer, and become the healthiest, most badass version of yourself yet, then you need to check out this free training now just go to runningleancoaching.com and click on Free Training.

Okay, so most people when they set out to accomplish something, and they start making some progress, and they find themselves slipping back into old habits or not following through on the things they said they were going to do, they come up with excuses, and reasons and stories.

And all these things can seem very valid. You know, you can say, oh, you know, I can’t stick to my diet because my husband doesn’t support me. Or, you know, I wasn’t able to stick to my running plan because my work schedule changed. And all of these things that we look to as reasons why we can’t accomplish the things that we want to accomplish in our lives.

All of these things are typically outside of us, they are outside of our control, meaning we only have control over three things, our own thoughts, feelings, and actions and everything else is outside of our control.

So when you start to blame outside circumstances, outside forces, for why you can’t accomplish something that feels very out of your hands, it’s out of your control, there’s nothing you can do about it, right?

And I want to talk about this, but I want to go back a little bit and talk about why we do this. So humans as we’ve evolved, we’ve been hard-wired, to look for problems and find solutions. And we are really, really good at this. This has helped us in the past to avoid danger, and to survive, and to evolve and to eventually become the beings that we are today.

So this problem-solving feature that we have as human beings is really fantastic. Okay, this is built into our DNA now, right? It’s, it’s a part of who we are, from an evolutionary standpoint, we look for problems, and we find solutions and we are good at this.

And from an evolutionary standpoint, finding problems was always really good, like looking outside of ourselves for problems was very important, right? Because we were faced with real dangers that were outside of us things like saber-toothed tigers, that were lurking in the shadows, long, cold winters that we had to survive, scarcity of food, you know, finding shelter going through childbirth, these are all things that were big problems and most of them were, you know, outside of our control.

And so, we had to look for and find these problems and find solutions for those problems. And so this is how we have evolved. We’re good at looking outside of ourselves to find what the problem is. The issue, though, is that nowadays, we don’t have those kinds of problems. But our genetic programming still wants to look outside of ourselves for problems.

So we inherently will look to, oh, my boss is being a jerk. That’s why, you know, I’m not performing well at work, or I’m in a really bad mood, because traffic was really crappy this morning on my way to work, or, you know, I would do better with my diet and stuff, but my spouse doesn’t really support me or it’s too cold outside, I don’t want to run, you know.

So we are looking outside of ourselves for problems. And when we do that, when we look outside of ourselves to find a problem, we will find problems. And we will find a lot of them.

When you’re constantly looking for the problem, and you’re looking outside of yourself, you will find it. You can find all kinds of excuses and stories and reasons why you can’t do this, or why this is too hard, or why you fail.

So instead of going outside, which is our programming, and I get that, and it’s hard to do this, but you have to look inside for the problems and the solutions. Because if the solution isn’t within you, there’s really nothing you can do about it.

Because you have no control over everything out there, you don’t have control over outside circumstances, you can only control your own thoughts, feelings and actions. That means if it’s not your own thoughts, feelings and actions, you have no control over it.

Everything else is out of your control. And if you extrapolate that out a little bit, that means that those things are not a problem for you. What other people think what other people feel what other people do, it’s out of your control, and therefore not your problem.

If it’s not within you, you can’t change it. And so it shouldn’t really be a problem for you. So always go within to find the problem. And the solution.

Sometimes other people’s actions will affect you. Like if somebody punches you in the face, that is an action that has affected you in a certain way. But it doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily a problem for you, you can be like, wow, that was crazy and just choose to walk away.

Or, you know, oh, my boss just dumped this big project on me. This affects you, you have to work late now, you wanted to work out or something like that, but you now you have to work late. But it doesn’t mean that it’s a problem for you. You choose what you want that situation to mean, you’re always assigning meaning to your circumstances, always.

You have a flat tire and you’re ready to work, it doesn’t mean you’re going to be in a bad mood all day, you can choose to be in a bad mood about that or not, it does not have to be a problem for you. So the solution is always within whatever the problem is, then the solution is within, okay.

If the problem is you know your own thoughts, feelings and actions, then you need to look at your own thoughts, feelings and actions to see what needs to change here. Because if it’s outside of you, it’s not your problem. If it’s within you, you can do something about that.

So that becomes where you need to put your focus. Most people will never do this. They don’t want to look at themselves. They always want to blame and complain and have stories and reasons and excuses. And when they do that, if you’re somebody that does that, it’s really easy to not have to do anything.

You don’t have to change yourself. You don’t have to become more you don’t have to grow. You don’t have to do anything hard. You can just sit there and be like, I’m a victim. And all this stuff is happening to me. With that attitude, though, what are you going to accomplish? Nothing.

You’re never going to grow, you’re never going to accomplish something bigger, and you’re never going to move past where you are right now. And if you want to move past where you are right now, and if there’s this other version of you that you’re working towards, then I’m going to tell you right now you have to stop blaming, you have to take responsibility.

So often times we look inside for the problem, and that’s a good thing. But you can do that and do it sort of the wrong way. You can be asking yourself really terrible questions. Like you can say to yourself, why is losing weight so hard for me? How come I can never run faster? How can I fail at everything I do? These are known as, and I say this a lot, these are called terrible questions.

They’re terrible. Because when you ask questions like, why is losing weight so hard? You’re going to find answers. You know, oh, because I always eat junk food. And I can never do this. And I’m never good enough.

Why can’t I run faster? Because I’m slow. I’ll always be slow. I just keep getting slow. Why do I fail at everything? Because I can never accomplish anything. I’m destined to be a failure. I’m never good enough. I can’t be successful like other people. These are terrible questions.

Don’t ask yourself those kinds of questions. Stay away from questions like that. Okay? Instead, you want to reframe these questions, you want to start asking yourself better questions. So it’s good that you’re looking within for the problem, and the solution, but you have to ask better questions.

So instead of why is losing weight so hard, say how can I make losing weight easier? What do I need to do to make this process easier for me? Do I need to write a list every day and make a plan every single day? Do I need to include foods that I really enjoy and make it fun?

Like, what do I need to do to run faster? Instead of why can’t I ever run fast? Oh, I need to do more speed work? I can start focusing on tempo runs? You know, instead of why do I always fail and everything, it’s like, how can I start being a success?

What can I do today, that’s going to help me to succeed at this thing, losing weight, getting stronger, getting faster? Stop the blame game, and start taking radical responsibility. You have to stop blaming everyone and everything that’s outside of you for why you can’t accomplish what you want to accomplish.

If you want to lose weight, if you want to run faster if you want to get stronger, stop blaming, and start taking radical responsibility. Radical responsibility means you take responsibility for all of the results that you’re getting, or not getting in your life.

If it’s not working, the problem is you. If it is working, you did that. Okay. It has nothing to do with what’s out there. What’s outside of you has nothing to do with whether or not you can accomplish the things that you want for yourself. But it has everything to do with what’s inside you. So once you see that the problem is you that’s good.

Okay, now you can get to work fixing it because you can you can control that. You can take control over what is within you. The only thing you can control. Radical responsibility means you accept responsibility for everything in your life.

Every result that you’re getting, or not getting, everything good, bad, and ugly in your life. You did that. When you get to that place of taking radical responsibility, that is a humongous first step in you know, being able to accomplish all these things that you want for yourself, okay?

Once you take radical responsibility, you can be like, oh, great, now I’m the problem. And here’s my situation. And here’s what I need to do to get things back on track. Okay, if the problem is always out there, you have every excuse in the world to fail. But if the problem is you, you have everything you need within you to succeed.

And listen, you always, always get to choose. Okay, that’s all I got for you today. Love you all. Keep on Running Lean, and I will talk to you soon.

202. Unraveling Unhealthy Thought Patterns

November 10, 2023 By Patrick McGilvray

One of the toughest things about losing weight and keeping it off for good is developing a healthy relationship with food. I work with runners every day who admittedly have a very unhealthy …

Continue Reading about 202. Unraveling Unhealthy Thought Patterns →

Podcast Transcript

Hey there, and welcome to episode 202 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, The Weight Loss Coach for Runners, and today, Unraveling Unhealthy Thought Patterns.

So one of the toughest things about losing weight and keeping it off for good is developing a healthy relationship with it. I work with runners every day who admittedly have a very unhealthy relationship with food, they overeat, they’re constantly making unhealthy choices.

They know what to do, they’re doing something different all the time, and they generally feel very out of control around food.

If this sounds like you, rest assured there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just developed some unhealthy thought patterns about food. So one of the most beneficial things you can do for yourself is begin to recognize and then start unraveling those unhealthy thought patterns.

That’s what this episode is all about. So stick around, I think you’ll find some very helpful tips throughout this podcast.

But first, I talk a lot about losing weight and improving your health and your fitness. And I know all the stuff I talked about here can feel a little overwhelming. If you’re looking for a good place to start, I’ve created a free hour-long training called Five Simple Steps To Becoming A Leaner Stronger Runner.

In this training video, you’ll learn how to fuel your body properly to lose weight and improve your running, you’ll learn the incredibly important role that strength plays in being a lean healthy runner.

And you’ll learn how to make changes that are actually sustainable, and a lot more. If you’re ready to get started, get leaner, get stronger, run faster, run longer, and become the healthiest, most badass version of yourself, then check out this free training now go to my website runningleancoaching.com and click on free training and get started. Cool.

All right, let’s talk about this unraveling unhealthy thought patterns. So when it comes to things like losing weight and trying to keep it off for good, there is a big problem out there.

And people talk about that this diet isn’t sustainable, this diet isn’t sustainable. And honestly, any diet can be sustainable, it’s the one that you stick to the one that you can do consistently is going to be the one that works for you.

And it’s going to be the one that is sustainable for you. But a lot of people blame the diet as being wrong, or this one doesn’t work when in reality, it’s all about you. What are you willing to stick to? What are you willing to do consistently?

And so one of the things I work with, with the people that I that I do coaching with is understanding that it’s not about the diet necessarily. Now, of course, there are some things we can do that will help to lose weight. And we want to get you eating whole foods and get you off of the junk food and the processed foods and sugars and seed oils and things like that.

But how do you do this consistently? How do you do this for for life? You know, that’s where the real magic happens when you get to this place where this just becomes pretty automatic for you. And it’s no longer work and it’s no longer effort.

And one thing that stops a lot of people from getting to that place where they’ve developed good healthy eating habits is their own mind. You know, it’s their own thoughts about food, it’s their own thoughts about whether they can sustain this or not, it’s their own thoughts about how they failed in the past and how they’ve tried everything, and nothing ever works for them.

And all these thought patterns are just that they are thoughts in your head. And not necessarily true. They’ve just been things that you’ve been telling yourself for a long time. And so you believe them to be true.

But they are not necessarily the truth. Okay, so we have to understand that the way that each one of us sees the world is a little bit differently.

We see the world based on our own thoughts, feelings, past experiences, and all kinds of other factors. And no two people really see the world the same way. No two people, you know, experience a diet the same way no two people experience food nutrition, and exercise the same way.

So just understand that you are an individual. You have your own thought patterns that you’ve been practicing for decades, decades. And it’s really hard to undo that. It’s really hard to even see that that’s what you’re doing because you just believe all this stuff to be true about how things work.

If you feel out of control around food, you’re gonna see that that’s just an automatic thing for you that when there’s donuts sitting there, you can’t help yourself, you eat the doughnuts.

When in reality, there’s more going on there, you’re not automatic, you’re not a robot, you haven’t been programmed, please sort of programmed yourself in a way to just eat the doughnuts. But there’s a thought and a feeling and an action happening.

And those things happen before you pick up the doughnut and put it in your mouth. There are thoughts and feelings about that donut that are happening in that moment. That happened very fast.

And when I talk about thought patterns, thought patterns, our thoughts and feelings that lead to actions, thoughts, and feelings that drive our actions, those are thought patterns. And you’re really good at doing some thought patterns.

Think about how you tie your shoes in the morning, or in the afternoon or whatever. You don’t even think about it anymore. You’ve developed a thought pattern about how to tie your shoes.

But when you were like four or five years old, and you’re learning how to tie your shoes, you’re in kindergarten, whatever. It took some thought you had to, you know, make the loop and then put it around this, wait, look, no, wait, I did it wrong, that was supposed to go under here.

And it took some thought and some effort and it was hard. And it took a while to do that. Now you can tie your shoes without even thinking about it, you don’t have to think about it, it’s become an automated behavior for you.

Driving a car is the same way. It’s an automated behavior. There are lots of things that we do in our lives that have become automated behaviors. But they weren’t always that way. eating donuts, when you see donuts is not an automated behavior.

I mean, it’s kind of automated, but there’s always something going on, there’s thoughts and feelings that are driving those actions. And we want to start to break this stuff down.

We want to start unraveling the thought patterns that are not serving us the unhealthy ones. The other ones like tying your shoes, who cares, just keep tying your shoes without thinking about it. That’s fine. That’s an automated behavior. You don’t need to break that down and journal about it.

And you know, you know, it’s not causing you any problems most likely, you know, driving a car, you don’t have to really think about that you just do it. So you don’t really need to break it all down. Oh, what am I thinking about backing up in this moment about, you know, parking in this spot, you know, or whatever, like, you don’t have to think about it, just do it.

But there are some thought patterns that are unhealthy, especially when it comes to food. Why is that? Why are there so many unhealthy thought patterns around food? My guess is that it’s just one of those things where we’ve used food.

For years and years and decades, we’ve used food as an emotional management tool, we’ve used food to make ourselves feel better, to soothe ourselves when we’re down to destress us when we feel stressed out to make us feel better when we’re not feeling good.

And you’ve just developed these habits that feel really natural, and really automatic, and, and really out of control. When in reality, you’ve just been practicing thought patterns and actions. And we got to start practicing those things. Okay?

It’s learned behavior that’s going on here. These are things that you have learned. Over time, you’ve taught yourself how to handle stress by using food. You’ve taught yourself that when you see donuts, you eat the doughnuts.

When you see the pizza, you eat the pizza, you haven’t taught yourself that you can have self-control, that when you see the pizza, you don’t have to eat it. That’s no big deal. But that is a thought pattern as well right there.

So let’s break down what we’re talking about here a little bit. So you have some context of what I’m talking about here. So when we talk about thought patterns, I want you to understand there are several layers to this.

The first layer is the circumstance layer or just the stuff that’s going around us in our lives. So everything that’s not you, is just a circumstance in your life. So if you’re you know, sitting at home and you’re in and your kids are running around and your husband is in the kitchen, you know yelling at you about something, that’s all circumstances, you don’t really have control over that stuff.

And maybe a little bit of control over the kids, probably not the husband, but there’s a little bit of control out there, but pretty much know right? Your boss, what your boss says or does or thinks about you what other people do or say or think about you the actions of other people, you have no control over any of that stuff.

All you have control over is your own thoughts, feelings and actions. You don’t have control over anything else in this world. Sorry, I hate to break it to you but that’s reality.

All the circumstances are a lot of our lives are just that they are just circumstances. It’s just the situation we happen to be in at the moment. So if somebody brings in doughnuts to the break room, that’s just a circumstance, it’s not good. It’s not bad. It’s not positive or negative. It’s not healthy or unhealthy. It’s just neutral.

It’s just a circumstance, it’s neutral. You’re making a split decision about what that means to you. In that moment, you’re making a really quick assessment of that situation.

And you’re assigning, whether that’s good or bad, you’re assigning, whether it’s positive or negative, whether it’s healthy or unhealthy. Doughnuts in the break room is a neutral circumstance, it’s not healthy or unhealthy. It’s just what it is, you don’t have to eat those things.

If you don’t eat them, then it’s healthy. If you choose to eat them that might be unhealthy if you do it all the time, the occasional donut is fine. Please understand, donuts, they’re amazing. I love donuts, but I eat them very rarely, I can’t remember the last time I ate a doughnut.

But every now and then eat a doughnut. It’s not a big deal. But we have to get into this place where it’s not an automatic behavior anymore. So anyway, circumstances are the stuff in our lives that we do not have control over and it’s all around us food is going to be around us all the time.

You can’t blame the fact that there’s food there on the reason why you ate it. That’s not why you’re eating the food, you’re eating the food because you have a thought and a feeling about it.

And that is the pattern that I’m talking about here. So the circumstance is how there’s doughnuts in the break room, then you have a thought about it. Oh, I bet those donuts would taste really good right now. I’ve been good all week. And this is my reward.

Or I worked out this morning, I ran five miles, I can do a donut. Like you have all these thoughts about what that donut means, oh, that’s gonna taste so amazing. And then those thoughts cause you to have a feeling. And that feeling is going to be like a craving; that’s a feeling, a craving is a feeling.

So you have this desire, that’s a feeling. You have this desire and this craving to now eat the doughnut. And you think that, that feeling that desire that wanting that craving is just because the doughnuts are there? And it’s no, it’s not just because they’re there, it’s because of your thoughts about the donuts.

I know lots of people who don’t eat donuts who see it on and they’re like, no big deal. Like I can look at donuts and be like, no big deal most of the time. But I understand that if I start to have those thoughts about how amazing that’s going to taste and how it’s gonna make me feel good because it’s a bunch of sugar and, and fried dough.

Oh my gosh, like sugar and fried dough together? Oh, yeah, that’s gonna taste good. That’s gonna light up my dopamine receptors, you know, that’s gonna make me feel amazing, you know, for a short period of time, then I’ll probably feel terrible.

So our thoughts are what’s causing those feelings that desire, the craving, the wanting, those are all feelings. Other feelings we have are our stress, anger, sadness, and anxiety. Those are all feelings as well, their emotions, feelings, and emotions, they’re interchangeable.

So we have circumstances in our life, and we have thoughts about those circumstances, those thoughts cause us to feel certain feelings or emotions. And it’s those emotions and feelings that drive our actions. So then when we feel the desire, we want to eat the donut so that we can enjoy that, you know, and, you know, take part in that feeling.

When we feel sad, we want to eat something that makes us feel better. So that sadness will drive actions, the anger that we have will drive us to take action, you know, maybe lash out at somebody.

Or, you know, like you’re in traffic and somebody cuts you off and you flip them off out the window or something like that. Like, that feeling of anger is what’s driving that action, not what that person did, because that what that person did is a neutral circumstance. They cut you off in traffic, but who cares, big deal.

Some people are like whatever. Other people get all upset and road rage happens. You know, road rage is caused by people’s feelings. Rage is a feeling. Okay? So circumstances are neutral, we have thoughts about them. That’s what creates the feelings that we have inside those feelings drive our actions, and the actions we take will create results in our lives.

Right, you don’t have results in your life if you don’t take action. So the behaviors we engage in will cause us to have some sort of a result the actions that we take on a regular basis will cause long-term results.

So if your goal is to lose weight, and you’ve cut out sugar, and every day you abstain from eating sugar, that action will get you the result of losing weight. For example, if your goal is to lose weight, and you’ve abstained from eating sugar, but you can’t stop yourself from eating sugar every single day, that’s going to cause a different result, you’re going to probably gain weight in that process.

I’m guessing that result is not in alignment with what you want for yourself. Okay, so that would be what I call a misaligned result, you know, so misaligned actions will produce misaligned results, and aligned actions will produce aligned results.

So you want to be taking actions that are in alignment with your long-term goals. Okay. So the results that we’re getting are not due to our circumstances, but they’re due to our thoughts feelings, and actions.

So whether you’re able to walk away from the pizza, or walk away from the doughnuts in the break, room or not, has to do with those thought, feeling action patterns that you’ve been practicing and practicing forever.

You know, one of the best ways to create a habit is to repeatedly do something over and over and over and over again. And we’ve repeatedly done the same things. We’ve had a feeling we get stressed out, and we go to the cabinet, and we look for something crunchy or salty or sugary to eat.

Nobody stress eats, like broccoli out of the fridge or leftover chicken or something like that. I’ve never heard anybody say that. They’re like, oh, I got to stop the snack and like, what are you snacking on? Is it like, hard-boiled eggs? Or chicken? They’re like, oh, no, I’m going for the salty stuff, crunchy stuff. I’m like, yeah, I know, I know what you’re doing.

But if you’re really hungry at that moment, you know, a piece of cheese would satisfy you or, you know, some leftovers from the night before.

Instead, no, we’re going for those things that light up our dopamine centers that make us feel good. And usually, it’s the stuff that’s unhealthy for us, right? So you’ve just developed these coping mechanisms. And the coping mechanisms are just thought patterns.

That’s all they are thoughts, feelings, and actions. So you have to understand that this process happens in a split second, once you’ve developed good habits, kind of like tying your shoe, right, you can tie your shoe very quickly, you don’t have to think about you just do it.

Same thing with food, we’ve developed these thoughts, feelings, and action patterns that happen so fast, that we just do them automatically without even knowing that this process is happening.

So one of the biggest keys to unraveling all this for you now that you understand the pattern is to start to become aware that you’re doing it, that’s all just start to become aware of what you are doing and the and the and the thoughts and feelings that you’re having that precede the actions that you’re taking.

So when you’re about to grab that donut, just pause, and hit the pause button for just a moment. And ask yourself what is the thought and feeling that’s driving me to reach for the doughnut right now.

That little step right there is going to go a long way in helping you to start to change your relationship with food to stop, start to help you change these thought-feeling-action patterns, and start to develop some other patterns, which is I see the donuts, I have a thought about the donuts. They look amazing.

But they taste great. You have a feeling like a desire that happens. And then you take the action of not eating the doughnut. That’s a different thought pattern altogether.

What if the thought was instead, I bet those donuts taste great? But you know what, that is not on my plan today. So I’m not doing the doughnuts, maybe another time.

That’s a thought you could have. What feeling might that thought cause? Oh, it might cause you to feel proud of yourself for sticking to your plan in that moment. And if you’re proud of yourself in that moment, and you and you’ve boosted your confidence a little bit.

That’s another feeling, by the way, pride, confidence, those are all emotions. That’s going to drive a different action, the action is going to be I’m sticking to my plan. I brought my lunch today. I don’t need to eat doughnuts, my body isn’t that stuff.

So you can see that your thought-feeling-action patterns can shift over time and go from being unhealthy, you know, thought patterns to healthy thought patterns. And when you start to break it down and hit that pause button, you can really start to go a long way in developing those new thought patterns and those new behaviors and start to repeat those behaviors over and over and over again and develop those as your new habits.

Okay, now this whole process begins As with that self-awareness of like, here’s what’s going on. The doughnuts are just a neutral thing in my life, they don’t have any control over me. I’m always in control, I have agency.

You know, I’m making decisions on my own here. I love it. I think Tony Robbins said, “The direction of your life is determined by tiny little moments of decision.” Tiny little moments of decision, thousands of them.

It’s not about one big decision, oh, I’m gonna change my diet. It’s not that it’s about those tiny little moments of decision that you make, over and over and over and over and over again, thousands of them.

That’s what makes big change in your life, that can change the whole direction of your life, you can go from being an unhealthy person with an unhealthy relationship with food to somebody who is healthy, fit, feels good about themselves has confidence and has completely changed their relationship with food.

All it requires is lots and lots and lots of repetition of these tiny little moments of decision, hitting that pause button, and becoming aware of the thoughts and feelings that are driving that action that you’re about to take.

Okay, that is your work for this week, is to hit that pause button and start to see what it is that’s driving this behavior. Why am I choosing this decision at this moment?

Really ask yourself that, sometimes it helps to stop and write a few things down. That’s not always the case. It’s not always practical to do that. But if you can stop and write some things down, that’s very helpful.

But if you can’t, you know, maybe just think about it, like what am I thinking and feeling right now in this moment? Is this a behavior that I’ve been practicing for a long time? And how can I make a better decision in this moment, okay, that is step number one.

And when you do that, you’re going to be on your way to becoming a different person. Because once you start practicing these things regularly, and you start changing those thought patterns on a regular basis, and you start doing things differently consistently over time, you can become an entirely different person, for the better, cool.

And as always, if you’re looking for help with any stuff, we can talk about coaching, just go to my website runningleancoaching.com, and click on Work With Me.

You’ll fill out a short little application we’ll get on a zoom, we’ll talk about what coaching might look like for you and we’ll just see if it’s a good fit. Cool. That’s all I got for you today. Love you all, keep on Running Lean, and I will talk to you soon.

189. Shifting Your Locus of Control

August 11, 2023 By Patrick McGilvray

If you are having a hard time sticking with a health and fitness routine, then you might want to have a look at your locus of control. Locus of control refers to where you believe your control lies …

Continue Reading about 189. Shifting Your Locus of Control →

Podcast Transcript

My name is Patrick McGilvray, and I’m an experienced marathoner, ultra runner, sports nutritionist, Master life coach, and weight loss coach for runners. I’ve dedicated my life to helping runners just like you properly fuel your body and your mind, so you can get leaner, get stronger, run faster and run longer than you ever thought possible. This is Running Lean.

Hey there, and welcome to episode 189 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, The Weight Loss Coach for Runners and today, Shifting Your Locus of Control. So if you’re having a hard time sticking with a health and fitness routine, sticking with a healthy food plan, then you might want to have a look at your locus of control. And I’ll explain all this in the podcast here.

But your locus of control refers to where you believe your control lies either outside of you or within you. So people who have a strong external locus of control tend to have a pretty hard time sticking to a plan and accomplishing really anything.

On the other hand, people who have a strong internal locus of control have an easier time sticking to a plan and are generally more successful in all areas of their lives. So today, I’m going to explain what locus of control is, and how you can begin shifting your locus of control so you can get better results and really just live a healthier, happier life.

But first, I know I talk a lot about the amazing transformations you can experience when you join my program and get coaching from me how you can commit to becoming your healthiest self, but instead of me yammering more about it, I’m going to share some of my clients personal stories with you.

So Elisa said, “Since working with Patrick, I don’t beat myself up anymore. I believe in myself. I’m finally in control of my eating habits. I’m steadily losing weight.” Flora said, “I’ve learned how to become a fat adapted runner. And the feeling of running with a clear head and so much energy is just amazing.” Eric said, “I’ve learned how to create good habits to replace the bad ones. I’m down 18 pounds so far, and I feel really good about myself for the first time in a long time.”

Mick said, “Accountability and education were key to my success with Patrick. I’ve had so many positive changes. I know I’m not going to slip back into old habits.” Leticia said, “I no longer have sugar cravings, I’ve taken control of my eating habits once and for all.”

Michelle said, “I’ve lost 25 pounds, I’ve gained immeasurable confidence. I am totally in control now. And I’m fully capable of doing everything I set out to do.” And Amy said, “I’m thinking so much more clearly, I have more energy, I’m sleeping better, running is easier. So far, I’m down 30 pounds and several dress sizes.”

Listen, you can add your name to this list, you can be one of these people with an amazing transformational story to share. All you gotta do is get some coaching. Join the Running Lean Coaching Project. This is my unique weight loss coaching program for runners just go to runningleancoaching.com/join to learn more. Book an interview with me and you and I’ll have a conversation, we’ll see if coaching is a good fit for you.

And if you want a little bit of help, just getting started with all this stuff, I’ve created a great training program that you can check out. It’s about an hour long video training, you can watch it at your own pace. It’s called Five Simple Steps To Becoming A Leaner Stronger Runner. You can get that by going to my website Running Lean coaching.com and click on the Free Training link to get started. Cool.

Okay, so let’s talk about shifting your locus of control. So I talked to a lot of people who struggle to accomplish what they want for themselves, they struggle to reach their goals. So this could be a weight loss goal. This could be a strength goal, it could be a running related goal. Maybe they want to run their first marathon, qualify for Boston, or maybe they just want to run their first 5k.

But when it comes down to when you kind of boil it all down when it comes down to why it is they can’t seem to accomplish whatever goal they’re trying to accomplish. They start telling me all about the external factors affecting their life.

You know, I was doing great at sticking with this running plan. I was going to run my first marathon but then things got crazy at work. Or you know we traveled or went on vacation or the kids out of school so you know how that is or jeez, it just got hot out or it got cold out. Whatever.

So they look at their life as having all these external forces, external being things that are outside of themselves, that are affecting their ability to reach their goals or not to stick to their plan or not. That thing that seems so important to them, not that long ago has been pushed to the side because of all these external factors. Okay.

And the problem with this is that when you allow outside forces to affect your weight loss goals, your health and fitness goals, your running goals, then you’re going to have a very hard time accomplishing anything for yourself, you will always find reasons why you can’t do it.

You’ll have reasons and stories and excuses, you’ll always have somebody or something else to blame for why you can’t lose weight, why you can’t stick to this healthy eating plan, why you can’t train for that marathon or whatever.

The problem is that you’re going to really just stay stuck where you are. You won’t be able to accomplish these big goals that you want for yourself or small goals that you want for yourself, you won’t be able to accomplish much, you will always feel like you’re going to struggle, because it’s out of your hands.

It’s all these outside forces, all these external situations, these external circumstances that are to blame. You don’t have control over your own life. So this is known as having an external locus of control. So locus is just a Latin word, and it means place or location. So locus of control really relates to where your sense of control is located. Is it internally? Or is it externally? Is it within you? Or is it outside of you?

And locus of control is a term that’s used in psychology, and refers to a belief that the control of your life is either within you or outside of you. Okay, some people have a very strong internal locus of control. And some people have a very strong external locus of control.

And they’ve looked at all these people, and they’ve seen that people who have a mostly external locus of control tend to be not as successful, they tend to be not as happy, they tend to be maybe not as healthy.

And the people with a strong internal locus of control tend to be happier and healthier and tend to accomplish more in their lives. Okay. So somebody believes somebody with an external locus of control believes that outside forces control their destiny, I am not in control, I’m profoundly affected by external forces in my life.

People with a strong external locus of control, tend to be more passive, because things just happen to them. They tend to blame others for their situation, they tend not to accomplish goals. They believe that there’s really nothing they can do about their situation, because hey, it just is what it is. Right? Whatever happens, happens, why bother even trying?

They feel like they are unlucky, but like nothing good ever happens to them, because they’re just, it’s just not meant to be. Must be nice for those other people. But never, nothing ever works out for me. And what’s interesting is these people tend to be at greater risk for illness, they’re typically unhappy and unhealthy. They have a hard time sticking to a plan.

If you have a mostly external locus of control, it’s going to be harder for you to stick to a fitness routine, to train for a marathon to stick to a healthy eating plan. If you want to lose weight, you got to stick to a healthy eating plan. You have to be consistent with that plan. But if you’re constantly, you know, blaming everything around you for why you can’t stick to that plan, you’re gonna have a really hard time sticking with that plan. Okay.

So that is what external locus of control looks like. Can you relate to any of this? Does any of this sound like you? Because we’ve all had bits and pieces of this and I’ll tell you a little bit about my story in a minute here. But we’ve all had maybe times in our life when we had more of an external locus of control more of an internal.

So people with an internal locus of control tend to be more active, they’re actively engaging in changing their life. They’re actively engaged in improving their situation. Because they believe that they make things happen. You know, I did this, I made this happen, you know, my determination and my hard work, created my future, I’m not relying on outside circumstances, outside circumstances be damned, I’m going to make this happen.

They tend to accomplish goals regularly, consistently. They feel like they are in control of the events of their lives, they are in control of their own destiny. They don’t look to lock or fate, you know, to determine what they can accomplish or what they can accomplish, they take responsibility for their situation, whether that’s a good situation or a bad situation, they take responsibility, they tend to be healthier, they tend to have a reduced risk of illness.

And honestly, they just tend to stick with a plan. And it’s easier for them. All right. So wherever you feel like your locus of control is now just understand that it is not fixed. It is not something that is predetermined. And it is not something that you don’t have control over, you can actually change it.

It’s about what you believe to be true, not about what you think is true or not, what you believe to be true, will be true for you. If you believe you have no control over your life, and that it’s all about external circumstances, then that will be true for you. If you believe that you’re in control, that will be true for you.

Your locus of control is not something you are born with, it’s not something that is, you know, genetically imprinted in you or anything like that, it’s not a fact. It’s where you put it, it’s where you decide it’s going to be. So your goal then, is to shift your locus of control inward.

If you find yourself blaming external circumstances for where you are, why you can’t lose weight, why you can’t stick to that marathon training plan, why you can’t go to the gym and lift heavy weights. If you find yourself blaming external circumstances, for all that, then it’s time to make a shift, you need to shift your locus of control inward.

So shifting your locus of control can be as easy as making the decision that you’re going to do it, it can be as easy as taking 100% responsibility for everything in your life, for every result you’re getting or not getting in your life, it can be as easy as making that decision. So right now, decide “I’m going to stop blaming others, I’m going to stop blaming outside circumstances. I’m going to stop using stories and excuses and reasons why I can’t and start making it happen. I control my destiny. And it starts with me, and it starts right now.”

Right, that can be a very powerful way of taking control making that decision that you are in control. Because honestly, you are another way of beginning to shift your locus of control is to start reframing situations. So instead of just believing that here’s the way it is, not everything is just the way it is. And that’s the way it is because that right there is just a belief.

You need to start questioning what you believe to be true in every situation. So you can do this by reframing. And that is just like looking at a situation from a different angle. It’s like putting a different frame on the situation. Okay, instead of, “Man, it’s just so hard to stick to my food plan because my wife keeps bringing home junk food for dinner, you know, and burgers and french fries and pizza. Like she just keeps bringing this fun stuff home for dinner for the kids. And I can’t stick to my food plan because there’s pizza on the table.”

So that’s having an external locus of control when you believe that. So shifting inward, you can reframe that situation. And you can ask yourself, like, how can I stick to my plan, even though there’s pizza sitting here on the table right now and it smells amazing, but what am I going to do right now? Right here, in this moment, to stick to my plan. I made this promise to myself that I’m not eating pizza this month or whatever, this week. What am I going to do about that in this moment right now?

How can I control my eating in this moment, right now? Because there is an answer, but you have to look inward. And you have to start asking yourself, What can I do about this? Because the external circumstances are always going to be whatever they are, you have no control over that. You don’t have control over that.

You do have control of what you do about it, though. So reframe these situations. Don’t look outward, look inward. It’s never ever about what’s going on out there. It’s always about what’s going on inside. What can I do about this? How can I make this work? What action? What action am I going to take right now in this moment, that is in alignment with my long term goals?

So I first heard about locus of control in one of my coaching programs, this was many years ago, and I can’t even remember the class I was attending. But it was a live class. I was out in LA, I was there for about a month taking all these different coaching classes and live coaching classes before COVID and all that.

And we were in this class, and the instructor was talking, it had something to do with like the business side of coaching. And at the time, I was struggling to figure out a business plan. I had tried a few things in the past that didn’t really work. I loved coaching, but the business side of things, it just wasn’t clicking for me, you know.

And, and I felt like, I tried some things, and I kept failing. And so after the class, I went up to the instructor, and I was like, okay, I get what you’re saying here. But you have to understand, I don’t think this is going to work for me, because I’ve tried this and it failed. And I’ve tried this, and it failed. And none of this stuff ever works for me.

And I said something like, you know, I don’t think this is my fault. It’s like the economy, it’s the competition out there. You know, I don’t understand the technology, whatever, like I started, you know, kind of rattling off some of these excuses, right? And I’ll never forget this, he just looked at me and said, “Well, it’s definitely not going to work with that attitude.”

And I thought to myself, how dare you. This is not in my control. It just doesn’t work for me. It’s the economy. It’s the technology, it’s the competition or whatever. And I’ve tried these different things. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I just, I’m a failure, you know, and I was really feeling sorry for myself.

And I really had this external locus of control. I didn’t realize it at the time. But I had this aha moment where I had to accept this reality that I had a very external locus of control. And what he was saying to me, wasn’t about, you know, whether I could do it or not it was about or whether the outside circumstances had anything to do with it or not. But it was about my attitude about it. It was about my state of mind about it. It was about what I decided I was going to believe.

And if I wanted to be a successful coach and have a thriving coaching practice, then it was going to be up to me to make it happen. And yes, I’ve tried things that failed. And I tried other things that failed. And I kept trying until I figured out what really worked for me, and what felt good for me, and what was in alignment with my values and my beliefs. But it was always up to me.

It had nothing to do with anything else outside of me, it was me and my attitude. I had to stop blaming circumstances, and take ownership of my situation. And as soon as I did this, as soon as I decided that I was going to make it happen, everything shifted for me.

Now, it wasn’t like turning on a light switch. It took time to get there. But it only took a moment. It was a brief moment where I made that decision that I was never going to blame anyone else ever again. I wasn’t going to look outside of myself for reasons and excuses and be a blamer and a complainer. Like if it is to be it is up to me. If it’s going to happen, I’m gonna make it happen. That’s the only way It’s gonna work. But I made that decision and I took a moment to make that decision. Okay?

So here’s what I want you to do this week, I want you to make that decision. You can do this by taking an inventory of where you are right now. So maybe get out a piece of paper or journal, something like that, and do a little bit of writing on this, like, write down all the things that are happening in your life, what’s going well, what’s not going so well.

What are you getting? Where are you getting good results in your life? Where are you not getting good results in your life? What activities are you engaging in that you’re proud of? That are in alignment with your goals, what activities are you engaging in that are not necessarily in alignment with your goals, maybe you’re not so proud of?

Where are you in regards to your goals? Are you on track? Are you not on track? Are you feeling stuck? Like just kind of take an honest inventory and look at each of these situations with yourself in your life? And honestly, ask yourself, you know, is this something that is in my control or not? Are you in control of each of these areas of your life or not?

Because if you keep thinking, I’m not in control, this has to do with, you know, my boss at work, or my wife is not, you know, being supportive. If you keep looking outside of yourself, for answers to these situations, or reasons why you’re not making progress in these situations, you’re gonna have a really hard time changing any of that.

If you’re feeling stuck in any area of your life, you’re gonna have a hard time getting unstuck, if you continually blame others. Take control. Reframe each of those situations, what can I do about this? What can I alone do about this? How can I take control of this particular situation right now? What is my part in this? Because there’s always an answer. You are always in control. Even though it doesn’t feel like it, you are, you just have to make that decision that you are going to be in control.

Being out of control is an illusion. You know, unless somebody has you chained to a water heater in their basement, you are in control of your life. And if you’re chained to a water heater, in somebody’s basement right now, then please reach out. We’ll help you, we’ll help you get out of that situation.

But listen, you have control, you just have to make that decision that you are going to take control of your own life, that you’re going to shift that locus of Control inward. And start being 100% responsible for everything in your life. You do that and I promise you things will begin to shift for you.

Okay, it takes some time to get there. It takes some time to accomplish those things you want for yourself, but it starts with that decision. Make the decision, you’re going to shift your locus of control inward, make that decision that you’re going to start being 100% responsible for every result in your life, good or bad.

Okay, this is a game changer right here. That’s all I got for you guys today. I love you all. Keep on Running Lean, and I’ll talk to you soon.

124. Back to Basics: The Thought Model

May 13, 2022 By Patrick McGilvray

Most people don't realize that their thoughts are responsible for every result they are getting or not getting in their lives. They blame other people and outside circumstances for their inability …

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Podcast Transcript

Hey there, and welcome to episode 124 of Running Lean. My name is Patrick McGilvray, the weight loss coach for runners. And today is another episode in the Back to Basics series. And today I’m talking about the thought model. So most people don’t realize that their thoughts are actually responsible for every result they’re getting or not getting in their lives. They blame other people. And they blame their circumstances for their inability to stay on their food plan or for their lack of motivation.

They have all kinds of stories and reasons why things just don’t ever work out for them. But I’m going to argue that this is a pretty crappy way to go through your life. Instead of being a victim of your circumstances. I want to talk to you today about how to take back control. So today I’m going back to the basics. I’m going to explain the thought model, I’ve talked about this before. But I want to explain in a bit of a different way today.

And I’m gonna show you how this is one of the most powerful coaching tools that I use in my coaching practice. And it’s also something that you can do on your own. And it’s a way of getting back your control. And so that you can get the results that you really want in your life. This is a very, very important concept, one of the most important concepts that I teach that I work on with my clients. And so I want to go over that with you today.

And this whole idea of like changing your thoughts, or you know, your thoughts or creating your results, and like how do we change this? How do we change our thoughts so that we can get better results? It’s a pretty simple concept. So I’m gonna go through this today, and you’re gonna understand, you’re going to understand this, like, theoretically, you’re going to understand is pretty simple, right? You just got to kind of change your thinking. But it’s not easy.

It’s one of those things that it’s simple, but not easy, okay. And it really takes three things to get better results in your life. It takes a commitment. It takes discipline, and it takes consistency. It takes those three things if you want different results. So if you’re ready to make that commitment to yourself, if you’re ready to be disciplined to show up and do the work, and if you’re ready to stay consistent, then you’re ready for the Running Lean Coaching Project.

This immersive coaching program includes group coaching, one-on-one coaching and all the knowledge support and the accountability you need to stay on track. You’ll learn what to do, you’ll learn how to do it, exactly what to do, you’ll learn all the tools and skills you need to stay on track and to stay consistent. Most importantly, you’re gonna learn how to make these powerful shifts in your mindset. So that you can create new habits, you can create new habits that feel easy and effortless, and that last for good.

I would love to help you with this, I would love to teach you exactly how to change your thinking. So you can get the results that you want, so that you can lose the weight , so you can get more fit so you can become a faster, stronger runner. If you’re ready for some change. If you’re ready for realistic lifestyle changes, shifts in your mindset and sustainable results. Then you’re ready for the Running Lean Coaching Project. Just go to runningleancoaching.com/apply.

To get started, you’ll fill out a short application, ask you a few questions, and you’ll schedule a zoom call with me which is free by the way. We’ll talk about your goals and we’ll see if coaching is a good fit for you. Just go to runningleancoaching.com/apply. And I would love for you to join us in the Running Lean Coaching Project. Cool.

So let’s get back to basics. Let’s talk about the thought model. Okay. I’m very excited about bringing this to you today. And I talk about this every single day, sometimes with one of my clients or more every day we talk about this. And it’s one of those tools that I have in my coaching tool belt that I think is one of the most powerful and when you understand this, and when you start living it you’re gonna see how powerful it is too, okay.

This has been one of the most life changing concepts that I have ever learned that I have used myself, and that I now, you know, use extensively in my coaching practice, okay? And there’s no secret here, this isn’t some secret thing. I’m going to explain how this works and how you kind of use this to get better results in your life. But I want you to apply this.

So be thinking about that, as I’m talking through this today, be thinking about how you can apply this in your own life. I’ll give you some examples and stuff. But think about how this stuff would apply to you in whatever you’re going through right now, whatever your goals are right now, whatever results you’re wanting to change right now. Okay.

So what is the thought model? I’m going to break it down, then I’ll and then I’ll dig into it a little bit deeper. The thought model is basically this. There are circumstances that happen around us, that’s just our circumstances, our circumstances are basically neutral. They’re neither good nor bad. Our circumstances don’t mean anything to us until we assign meaning to them. So that’s our thoughts.

Your thoughts are how you interpret the world around you, okay. And those thoughts will create feelings within you. Those feelings drive your actions, your actions, create your results. So the results that you get in your life is basically, you know, your reality. So your thoughts, if you really want to extrapolate this out, your thoughts create your reality. And this isn’t some like woo-woo thing, this is like, just the way it works, right?

This is, and it’s not some crazy fringe idea that just happened with this, like new age of thinking or something, this has been around for centuries, for thousands of years, right? The Greek and Roman scholars, the Stoics, started talking about this extensively. Epictetus was a Greek stoic philosopher from you know, he lived around 2000 years ago. And one of the quotes I love from him is that, “We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.” I’m going to say that one more time, because I love this. “We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.”

Think about that. That’s some powerful stuff right there, no matter what’s going on out there. You get to determine how you respond to what’s going on out there. And then Marcus Aurelius, he was another stoic philosopher and Roman emperor and lived around the same time around 2000 years ago. And I love his work and have been reading through, you know, his meditations. And we’ll just kind of pick a random, you know, passage and read through it.

But here’s a couple of quotes that I love from him. And this is from Marcus Aurelius. And he says, “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” What I know, it’s crazy, right? That they were thinking about this and talking about this so far, in the past and in ancient history.

And then another quote of his is, “Our life is what our thoughts make it. Our life is what our thoughts make it.” So your thoughts create your life, your thoughts create your reality. And more recently, in psychology, there is this law of philosophy, or a, I don’t know a concept called CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy. And CBT focuses on challenging and changing, you know, what’s called cognitive distortions.

So these are thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes, and their associated behaviors, to develop better emotional regulation, your feelings, right, and develop personal coping strategies that seek that target solving current problem. So basically, what CBT is, is that your thoughts create feelings, your feelings, drive your behaviors or your actions. And then your actions will create, you know, you can solve problems or create problems based on the actions you’re taking.

So all this stuff, just lines up beautifully to gather. So this is not some weird fringe thing that like I came up with or whatever. And then there’s a couple of people that I’ve followed and read books from and like Byron Katie, she uses a very similar model of thought called, she calls it the work and she has a slightly different take on it.

Brooke Castillo. She’s the owner of The Life Coach School. I consider her one of my mentors. She teaches this very thoroughly, and she just calls it the model. And that’s her interpretation of it. But really, this is all the same stuff. This has been going around for thousands of years. So, in my coaching practice, I use this extensively. And I use many tools to help people get results, right?

This is what coaching is all about. When you think about it, this is a very, like, basic explanation of this, but like therapy kind of focuses on the past, you know, in general, and coaching, life coaching, the kind of coaching that I do, focuses on the future. therapy focuses on okay, why have you become who you’ve become up to this point?

And my coaching kind of focuses on, okay, here’s who you are today, how do we get to become who you want to be tomorrow. And so we kind of have a more forward focus, instead of being past focused, okay. And that’s where this thought model really is very powerful. Because you can, you can use it to change your current thinking, your current emotional state, your current behaviors, and start creating better results for yourself today.

And it doesn’t matter what’s happened in the past, we don’t really look to the past much in coaching, okay? we’re more focused on what can we do today to start changing our future and get better results? Okay. So that’s kind of the basis of where this came from, and what it’s all about, let me get into the details of how this works a little bit, okay.

So again, circumstances are neutral in our lives. And, you know, the things that are happening around us the things that are happening, or happening outside of us really don’t mean anything until we assign meaning to them with our thoughts. Okay. So once we have a thought about something that thought typically creates a feeling within us, and that feeling will drive our actions.

So whatever you’re doing something or not, is based on how you feel, then of course, your actions create results, you don’t get results without taking action. Okay? So let’s break this down. Circumstances: this is the stuff that’s happening outside of you. It’s the stuff that’s happening in your life.

So what’s going on at work? What’s going on at school? What’s going on in the household? So when you’re driving around in traffic, and so what’s going on everything that’s not you? Those are your circumstances, okay? It may even feel like you know, it’s your, you know, your spouse who’s you know, very deeply connected to you, but also not you.

Okay, so your spouse is still something that is a circumstance, it’s outside of you. The only things you have control over are your own thoughts, feelings and actions, what you think how you feel and what you do, you don’t have control over the circumstances in your life. Pretty much, pretty much the only thing you have control over is your own thoughts, feelings and actions. So circumstances, all that stuff out there is always neutral. It just is what it is.

It’s not good. It’s not bad. It’s not right. It’s not wrong, typically. And your circumstances really don’t mean anything until you assign meaning to them. This is very important. The circumstances in your life doesn’t mean anything until you assign meaning to that with your thoughts. Very, very important to understand these circumstances are neutral.

People blame their circumstances for their behavior, they blame the economy for their lack of financial, you know, well being, they, they look at the weather for how, you know, they’re they don’t feel like running, you know, they look at, you know, their situation at work for why they can’t, you know, maintain their food plan or whatever. These are also circumstances that don’t mean anything. Right?

Stop blaming your circumstances for your behavior, stop blaming your circumstances for your lack of results doesn’t work that way. People love the blame game. They love to blame everything that’s outside of them for their behavior. So they don’t have to take responsibility for it. Because it’s way easier to do that, right? This bugs me. It bugs me. Take responsibility. Take responsibility. When you understand that your circumstances are just neutral and that you know what you do or don’t do is based on your own thoughts and feelings, this changes the game. You cannot blame anybody else anymore.

In fact, I’m going to tell you right now, if you’re listening to this, and you understand this, which I hope you do, you will by the end of this episode, I’m sure you will. You can no longer blame me or anybody else for your lack of results, okay? That’s just the way it is. Okay? Because it’s just not, it doesn’t work that way that just doesn’t work that way.

But we do it, people do it all the time. Because it’s easy. It’s easier to blame other people that we can, I can’t lose weight because of you know, this is the way it is. Never works for me. Or the you know, boys, you know, I’m stressed out right now, because it works. So can lose weight. But it just keeps you stuck. You don’t get what you want, you don’t ever change, you don’t grow. Keeps you small and safe and comfortable. Yeah.

But that’s not what you want for yourself, right? If you’re listening to this right now, it’s because you want more for yourself, you want to become more, you’re not going to become more by blaming other people for where, where you are. So this is where we need to, like, stop blaming, stop looking at our circumstances as meaning anything. So your circumstances only mean something if you assign meaning to them, okay?

Very, very important; circumstances in our life are neutral. Everything that’s happening outside of us is neutral, doesn’t mean anything until you have a thought about it. So what are your thoughts? Thoughts are just sentences you say in your head, right? You experience thoughts in your mind, in your head. Your thoughts are basically that voice in your head. And for most people, it’s your own voice.

Have you ever thought about that before? Like your thoughts are in your own voice? I think that’s kind of cool. Now, if you’re hearing other voices in your head, that might be a problem, you may have to like seek some professional help for that. Typically, we hear our thoughts in our head in our own voice, okay. But if you’re hearing other voices telling you to do stuff, then I think maybe that could be problematic. Just saying, go get yourself checked out.

But our thoughts are just the sentences we say in our head. This is just like the chatter in our in our, in our minds, right? It’s the stories that we tell ourselves about what’s happening. It’s the way we interpret things. It’s the meaning that we assign to stuff. And your thoughts can be, you know, things that you believe to be true, because you’ve been thinking them over and over and over again for decades.

And, you know, when we put together lots of beliefs, that can become a whole belief system. And that’s a whole nother thing that’s like, really deep seated thoughts is all it is, and just systems of thoughts that you just kind of, you know, you put them all together, and they mean this, you know, but your thoughts are just your thoughts. That’s all they’re not true or false, necessarily. They’re what you believe to be true for you.

But the same thing is not necessarily true for somebody else. This is very important, like your thoughts are just about you. Your thoughts are only true for you. And when we extrapolate all this out, your thoughts actually create yours, your reality. And I’ll talk more about that in a second. But I just want you to understand that your thoughts, create your results, your thoughts are actually responsible for, you know, whether you’re getting what you want in your life or not.

So your thoughts are very important. So I call this the thought model, because it’s so much based on your thoughts. So it’s not what’s happening out there, that matters. It’s not the circumstances that matters. It’s how you perceive those circumstances. It’s important. It’s how you interpret it, it’s the meaning that you give to it, it’s the way you respond to what’s going on around you that really matters.

Okay, so let me give you a quick example, a couple examples here, of how our thoughts can be very different and create different realities for people. And so I was just at the beach, I love going to the beach, and I take a trip every year. And I love this place down in Central Florida that I go to and it’s just a beautiful beach and a little island. It’s very walkable. I don’t even get a car when I’m down there. I just walk everywhere and run and run on the beach every day.

But I was thinking that you know I grew up around the ocean and you know I grew up in Southern California and you know, lived in Northern California for a period of time and did a lot of surfing. And I just love the ocean. Love love the ocean right? But some people do not like the ocean, they think it’s very scary.

Okay, so imagine two different people standing at the ocean and looking out over the ocean. One person, somebody like me, could be standing there thinking of the ocean. This is like it brings back memories of my childhood and boogie boarding you know and surfing and and just playing in the ocean all day long and never wanting to leave. And even, you know, today, I, you know, I was swimming in the ocean just you know, days ago. And I just love it so much, it brings me so much joy, it brings me happiness, it’s like my happy place.

But for somebody else standing next to me, they could be looking out at that same ocean. And maybe when they were a kid, they have like a near drowning experience in the ocean, or maybe they saw somebody else drown in the ocean, something very traumatic happened to them. And for them, the ocean is a very different kind of place, it brings up all these feelings of fear, and danger. And it’s a dangerous place, and it should be avoided at all costs. Do not go in the ocean.

So different people looking at the same circumstances have very different ideas of what this means for them. So their reality is very different. One person would never go in the ocean at all ever. Another person wants to live in the ocean. That’d be mean, by the way. If I guess I live in the water, like a fish, that’d be amazing. But yeah, but for some people like it’s just a scary thing, and they would avoid it at all costs. So you can see different realities for different people based on their thoughts based on their interpretations.

Another example, and I use this one a lot too, which is when we talk about losing weight, one person might think that losing weight is hard, it never works, they always fail. They always give in to cravings, they can stay on track for any amount of time, they do find her in the week, but on the weekends always blow it can’t go on vacation because they always gain weight, or they go on vacation, but they always gain weight.

And so you know, they just come back, you know, heavier every time and blah, blah, blah. So that’s one person’s interpretation of what it means to lose weight and how hard it is and how it never works.

Another person might think that losing weight is easy, and kind of effortless, and so much fun. And no matter what’s happened in the past, they know that if they practice discipline, they stay consistent, they’ll eventually get there. And this is not something I’m just making up. I literally work with people who have both of these interpretations. One person who thinks it’s hard, it’s going to be hard for them.

The person who thinks it’s easy and effortless and fun, it’s going to be easy and effortless and fun for them. They will get their goals because they have this thought that you know, Hey, as long as I stay consistent, I’ll get there. This other person who says I always fail, I always give in, they will always fail and always give in. It’s just what happens. Okay, so this is thoughts, thoughts are sentences we say in our head thoughts are our stories, our interpretations of reality, or of our circumstances. And they are like the meaning that we give stuff. Okay, thoughts, so important to understand your thoughts.

So next, we have our feelings. So feelings are also emotions, we can use those two words interchangeably, and I do. But our feelings are caused by our thoughts. Our thoughts will create feelings within us. So if I think oh, losing weight is hard, it never works. I always fail. Whoa, how do you think you’re gonna feel when you think those feelings or think those thoughts you’re gonna be feeling terrible, right?

You’re gonna feel like, like a failure, you’re gonna feel frustrated, you’re gonna feel unmotivated, right. So, our feelings we all experience emotions, we all experience feelings are created by our thoughts, you cannot have an emotion. Without a thought that precedes that you cannot experience a feeling without a thought first. So your thoughts will make you feel an emotion, fear, anxiety, stress, boredom, frustration. These are all feelings. These are all emotional states.

Even love, happiness, joy, connection. These are all feelings. You know, if you think, you know, let’s say you’re newly dating someone and you’re just falling in love and every time you think about this person you feel this amount of like happiness and love that’s created by your thoughts about that person. Right? It has nothing to do with that person necessarily. It’s like your interpretation of it, because you don’t have those same feelings about somebody else. Okay.

So your thoughts always create your feelings, you have a thought, you think a thought and then it creates a feeling within you. You cannot experience a feeling without a thought that precedes it. You just can’t. Okay, now, thoughts you experience in your head, feelings you experience in your body. So your feelings or sensations that you feel in your body?

Think about it as like vibrations that you feel in your body, that’s all it is. That’s all it is. And you can get really good at just feeling your feelings or experiencing your feelings in your body, like experiencing your sensations in your body. And we do this in the coaching project, we learn how to experience and emotion without all the drama around it. Right, we don’t have to eat over our feelings anymore. This is a game changer, right?

When you’re willing to just experience an emotion just to feel that sensation in your body without having to do anything about it. This is where you become what I call a total emotional badass. Because you can experience any kind of emotion, fear, failure, frustration, whatever it is, doesn’t matter. When you’re willing to experience those emotions. You can do anything you want.

Most people don’t do stuff, they don’t go after what they really want, because they’re afraid of how they’re going to feel. Isn’t that crazy? People will say like, I could never run a marathon, it would just be, it’d be too hard. I’m like, what are you really afraid of? And when we break it down, it’s like, well, I’m afraid I’m gonna fail. And I’m like, well, what would that mean?

I just feel bad and feel like a failure. It’s just an emotion. What if you were just willing to feel like a failure, you would just go and do that you just go train for a marathon and do it. Who cares if you finish it or not? You did something that was super hard, you tried. If you’re willing to experience that failure, you can do anything you want. But people are afraid.

They’re afraid to try anything hard, they’re afraid to do anything that might you know that they might not, it may not work. All because they’re afraid to experience that feeling. Get good at feeling your feelings, and you can become a total badass. Okay.

What I really want you to understand here is that thoughts create your feelings, your feelings just don’t magically appear within you, okay? Your feelings are created by you. People don’t make you mad, you make yourself mad, based on, you know, how you’re interpreting what somebody said, somebody could say, you’re an ugly piece of crap. You know, but you don’t have to, like, take it personally.

You could be like, I’m beautiful. And I’m awesome. So I mean, sorry, it’s just not going to affect me. Or you can really take it personally. It’s all in how you interpret it has nothing to do with what the words are that are coming out of a person’s mouth. It’s how you’re interpreting it. So your feelings and your emotional state is caused by your thoughts, okay?

We have to understand that your feelings drive your actions, your actions are the things you do, what’s your behaviors, right. And your actions are driven by your emotional state, they’re driven by your feelings. So most people don’t take action unless they’re feeling like taking action, like they are driven by a certain feeling.

For example, motivation. This is a feeling that, you know, when you’re feeling motivated, you will do something like, if you want to go for a run, and you’re feeling motivated to run, you’ll go for a run. But if you’re feeling overwhelmed, or stressed, maybe you’re going to not feel like going for a run. So that feeling can be causing you to not take action.

Or maybe you’re frustrated because the scale isn’t moving. You’re feeling frustration. That’s a feeling. And so you go eat a whole sleeve of Oreos, right? This is like you’re feeling frustrated. And that’s what’s driving that action of eating the Oreos. You think it has something to do with the scale? You think it has something to do with something outside of you. But no, it’s just you.

You have thoughts about what it means. And you have this feeling. And so you decide you’re going to go and take this action based on how you’re feeling. Now there are some behaviors that we do, some actions that we take, that are automatic, like brushing your teeth, you don’t really need to feel a feeling necessarily, you don’t have to be really motivated to brush your teeth. Right? It’s just what you do. It’s kind of like an autopilot thing, okay.

But it’s taken you years of doing that behavior for it to become automatic. It wasn’t always automatic, right. But there could be other behaviors that you’re doing that feel automatic, like binging out on ice cream every night. This feels like an out of control behavior. Like it’s just something you have to do like you’re on autopilot. The fact is, you’ve just gotten really good at this behavior. And in order to change it, it’s going to take some work, okay?

But listen, this is important. You can always change the behavior, but it’s going to require you to do work, you got to like, change your thinking. That’s the gist of this whole thought model is that you have to like look Look at your thoughts and change your thinking in order to change the behavior because when you change your thinking, you’re going to change your your feelings, and then you’re going to change the the behavior that’s being driven by those feelings.

So that out of control eating seems like it’s just happening. And it’s just like, you know, out of your control, but you are in control, you always have a choice. I would even argue, like, you could choose not to brush your teeth, you could just be like, Oh, I’m just not going to brush my teeth. I would recommend that you do though, by the way. In the same vein, you can choose to not eat that ice cream, you are in control. You just don’t see it because you’ve just been doing the same thing for so long. It kind of feels automatic. But really, it’s not. It’s not automatic, like you can absolutely, you are always in control. And you can take back that control and take back your control, take back your power.

But people think their circumstances are causing them to take action. And that’s never the case. It’s never the circumstances like I’ll hear people say, well, I was on vacation, so I had to eat like crap all week. I was just on vacation, I ate amazingly well, all week. Or, you know, my husband always brings home pizza, so I just have to eat it. No, you don’t, that has nothing to do with it. Or I’m busy, so I don’t have time to work out. Oh, really? Who’s not busy?

These are all just circumstances, they don’t mean anything unless you assign meaning to them. They don’t mean anything until you have thoughts about them. You don’t act, you don’t take action based on what’s happening out there. You take action based on how you feel. And that’s always determined by your thoughts, okay, your behavior is driven by your feelings, your emotions, drive your actions, okay.

And then lastly, we have results. So you know, when you take action, you get results, you don’t get results by thinking about stuff, right, you don’t get bigger arms by thinking about lifting weights, you get bigger arms by going to the gym, and lifting heavy weights over and over again, consistently for some time. You only get results by taking action by doing things.

And since your actions are driven by your feelings, and your thoughts, create your feelings, your thoughts really create the results that you want. Your thoughts almost always prove. No, let me say this, again, your results almost always prove your thoughts to be true. The results that you get pretty much always match your thoughts. So here’s what I mean by this, let’s say you want to lose 40 pounds. But you think losing weight is too hard.

So you think you know I always fail. And that creates feelings of frustration and you and unmotivated. And these feelings cause you to take the action of quitting, you just give up you give up trying, why bother? And what are the results you get? You fail. So the thought I always fail has just been proven true for you. You just you manifested that, that thought I always fail. It’s just become true for you.

Here’s another way of looking at it. So here’s me. I’m building a badass body right now. Right? Here’s my circumstances. I’m 55 years old. And I’ve heard people say as you get older, you can’t get a badass body. Like you’re just going to continue to get fatter, and fluffier and saggier, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But here’s my thoughts about this.

My thoughts are, I believe in my heart that age does not matter. And I am armed with a commitment and the discipline and the mindset that’s going to make this happen. I’m going to stay consistent, and I’m going to make this happen no matter what. Those are my thoughts. These thoughts get me feeling pretty motivated. Like it gets me fired up when I think about this.

And that feeling of being fired up and motivated. This feeling drives me into action. Every day I hit the gym, I lift weights, I run, I eat right? I go to yoga. I do this every day. I’m not all that stuff every day. I eat right every day. But everyday I show up and I do something and I do it consistently. And these thoughts are what’s keeping me motivated. That motivation is driving me into the action of showing up and doing the work every day and the results.

I’ve got to tell you I’m becoming that badass that I want to become. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I am getting there, it’s going to take some time. But I’m already seeing bigger arms, bigger chest, my legs are way stronger than they were a year ago, whatever, I’m making it happen. And it’s the thoughts that are driving my behavior. And those thoughts are I am going to make this happen no matter what. And so those thoughts are proving this to be true that my thoughts are making this happen, my thoughts are making this my reality.

Okay, that’s what I want for you. So a couple things here. First of all, you are not your thoughts and feelings, all of your thoughts and feelings are optional. And they are all things you choose. You’re always making choices on how you think and feel. And these things are not you. They’re just your thoughts are just sentences you say in your head.

If feelings are just sensations you experience in your body, you are much more than just your thoughts and feelings. So I want you to understand this, okay? Your thoughts and feelings are creating your reality, though. They’re creating what’s happening to you. They’re creating the results that you’re getting or not getting in your life, okay, but they’re not you.

But if you want more for yourself, if you want different results, if you want to lose weight, if you want to get stronger, you want to become your most badass self, you gotta go within you got to do this work. You got to work on your mindset. And so mindset is the word that I use to encompass everything I just talked about. It’s basically a one word catch all that means your thoughts, your beliefs, your interpretations of what’s happening around you, it’s your feelings, your emotional state, it’s your attitude. It’s what’s driving your behavior, all of that stuff.

I just use the word mindset to kind of encapsulate all of this, it’s all the same stuff. So when I say mindset, I’m really talking about the thought model here, okay. And, for me, like this was one of the most profound things I’ve ever learned. And it’s changed my life more than anything else. And I liken it to seeing the matrix, right. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

So this work, living the thought model, this is life changing. And when you learn this, and when you start living it every day, it’s like taking the red pill in the matrix, you take the red pill, and you learn a potentially unsettling but life changing truth.

When you take the blue pill, you remain in contented ignorance. Most people live in a blue pill kind of world, they live in contented ignorance, they blame everybody and everything outside of themselves for their lack of progress. They can’t stick to their food plan, they can’t lose weight, they can’t get dry, they can’t run, they can’t bah bah, bah, based on you know, oh, it’s just everything that’s happening outside of me. I have no control over any of this stuff. That’s blue pill thinking. contented ignorance.

I want you to live in that life changing truth. Start living the thought model, right? Do not live in contented ignorance. Take the information you learned here today and apply it. Start noticing how you’re interpreting your situation. Start seeing when you’re creating stories around stuff that’s happening to you. Start noticing how your thoughts are making you feel. See how those feelings are driving you to take action, or maybe causing you to not take action.

And if you want different results, look to your thoughts. Get curious and approach all of this work with curiosity. You can ask yourself questions like hmm, I wonder what else could be true about this situation? I wonder how else I can interpret this. What thought patterns are keeping me stuck here today? I wonder what thought patterns might get me to moving closer to my goals. Okay. Ask yourself good questions. Stay curious. I truly hope you got something out of this episode today. And I truly hope that you do something with it. Okay. Love you all keep on Running Lean. I’ll talk to you soon.

If you’re a runner and you’ve been struggling to lose weight or you keep losing and gaining the same 10 pounds over and over again. Or you’re finally ready to get to your natural weight and stay there for good this time then I have something you will love. I’ve created a powerful new training just for you called running lean for life. You’ll learn exactly how to transform yourself into a lean fat-burning running machine. So you can run without bonking, lose weight without calorie counting and develop the habits required to make it last for life. To get this free training right now go to runningleanpodcast.com/leanforlife and start your transformation today.

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